Unrewarded Creativity?

I'm sure all of you have been in positions where you've given a creative solution to a problem you were faced with (be it a question on an exam or a real life situation).  That's not uncommon, right?  There's a degree of pleasure that can be derived from thinking outside the box and then receiving praise as a result of your efforts.  Now, have you ever been in a position where your clever, alternative solution was discounted because it wasn't the expected answer?  Yea, me too.

Way back in middle school, I remember taking a social studies exam where we were given the following picture:

The short answer question that accompanied the map asked that we give it an appropriate title.  I knew that the expected answer was "Manifest Destiny," but since I was feeling rather cunning that day, the title I decided to go with was "From Sea To Shining Sea."

Clever, right?  My teacher didn't seem to think so.  I didn't receive any credit for my answer, even though it was pretty clear that I knew what the map was referring to.  I lost points simply because I decided not to go with the expected answer.  C'mon Teach, what gives?

Sure, I understand that there's proven ways to solve certain problems, but how do we know that the answers we already have are the best ones?  Creativity should always be rewarded as there is never no reason to spark an imagination.  You never know when someone will come up with a brilliant idea that could revolutionize the world, so why go around shunting that mode of thought?

No wonder I never applied myself in primary schools

Is It That I'm Afraid?

I seem to have been assessing myself a lot this semester.  I discover new things about myself every day, through the people I interact with, and the things that I do.  This itself isn’t uncommon, but the frequency at which this is happening is a bit alarming.  Why has this semester been so revelational?

I think it has something to do with the fact that I’m moving to California.  My guess is that I’m feeling a compelling need to gain a fully comprehensible sense of identity before I move.  I want to know who I am before stepping foot in a new society so that I can stay true to myself. 

The weird thing is that for every step forward I take, I feel like I’m taking two steps back.  For every question that I answer about myself, several more spring up.  This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s making me very unsure of whether or not I’ll have myself all figured out by the time I have to move. 

I am a completely different person than I was a few months ago.  This became really apparent after I couldn’t figure out how I wanted to express myself in certain social situations.  I used to know exactly how I wanted people to perceive me, but now I’m finding that as I’m changing, I’m unsure of how I want to act.  It makes me feel like I’m coming off as a bit awkward at times, but that’s the price I pay for trying to figure myself out. 

I just hope that by the end of all this, people will still be able to accept me, regardless of who that turns out to be.

This is a little incoherent, but I’m not really in the mood to edit right now, so I won’t =]

Stay classy.

Window To The Past

I found this old excerpt I had written a few years ago.  The funny thing is, I don't remember why I wrote it, or what it is in reference to.  All I know is that every once and a while I just write down a constant stream of thoughts, and this is one of those streams.  Anyways, I thought it would be neat to share it with everyone:

"What are my assumptions on life?  What are the constants?  What am I looking for?

Am I changing?  Yes.  Is it a bad thing?  No.  I feel like... I don't know what I feel.  This is the road block.  He thinks I'm diminishing.

Am I?  I'm not sure.  On the one hand, I am acting differently, I am changing.  But does this change come at the cost of a sacrifice?  Am I compromising myself?  He seems to think so, but I'm not convinced.

His interpretation of compromise and my interpretation of compromise are different.  This is exactly what is happening - I have the answers now.

I am changing, but not compromising, because I'm following what my essence is telling me.  Outsiders looking in might think I'm selling out, but it's not true.  I'm following what I feel is right, which isn't compromising.  I can only do what my essence tells me to do at any given moment.

That issue is now resolved.

UPDATE: I don't know anything."

Is that cryptic or what?  Who the hell am I referring to when I say "he"?  I really can't remember.

Stay classy.

Dead End

About a year ago, I lost one of my closest friends.  We got into an argument over something trivial, but apparently it was a squabble large enough to merit us not talking to each other for months.  The strange thing was that I wasn’t morose at all.  In my mind, he wasn’t worth keeping around if our friendship was so volatile that a stupid disagreement could have set us on our separate ways.

I continued on with life.

I haven’t actually seen him since the beginning of this semester.  We bumped into each other accidentally and ended up having a nice conversation.  We talked about school, video games, and whatever – just like old times.  Before we went off to wherever it was that we were going, I said, “Hey, we should hang out sometime.”

I figured that the reason we stopped being friends was stupid anyways, and that enough time had passed that it couldn’t have been that big of a deal anymore.  I was wrong.  After I asked him if he wanted to hang out again, his response was, “No, I don’t think so.”

Ouch.  That hurt, a lot.  I felt really cruddy after that.  In fact, I still feel cruddy.  I didn’t know how much I missed hanging out with him until we had that conversation.  And now I realize that nothing is worth losing your best friend over.

Just Go For It!

Over the weekend I read a graphic novel series by the name of “Scott Pilgrim” (perhaps some of you have heard of it).  Once I was done reading, my mood was initially gleeful, but after a few minutes of merriment, my disposition quickly deteriorated to sorrow.  This isn’t the first time this has happened.

Whenever I finish a book, TV show, or video game with a great plot and characters, I usually get sad afterwards.  The reason this happens is because when I really enjoy something, I tend to get attached.  I immerse myself in the make believe, and my mind does everything in its power to convince me that the world before me actually does exist.  This illusion only dissipates once I reach the conclusion of the story.  Reality takes its firm grasp on my existence once again, and I am forced to swallow the truth that the window into my imaginary world has nothing left to offer me.  No matter how many times I go back and re-expose myself to these stories, the plots are always the same, and the journeys of the characters will inevitably come to an end.  No matter how fierce my desire is to experience more of these fabricated worlds, the overwhelming truth is that these worlds have limits.

So pretty much that’s what happened when I read Scott Pilgrim.  I was talking to a good friend of mine about how I was sad that this world, like so many others, had nothing left to feed my imagination.  After hearing me whine for a few minutes, she said

“Well if you like it so much, write your own story.”

Cue light-bulb.  It was one of those moments where I knew inspiration had struck.  I couldn't wait to see what sort of crazy things were going to start spilling out of my brain.  All day I could feel an idea brewing deep in my head and as soon as I was done with classes for the day, I sat down and started writing character bios and a plot outline for my own graphic novel.  The only reason there was no post yesterday is because I was too busy getting all my ideas on paper.

I’m not going to disclose any info on my graphic novel for the time being.  I want to flesh out the story a bit more and see if I can find any artists who are interested in helping me out.  As of right now, I really want to see if I’ll be able to manifest my ideas into physical form.

Well, that’s all for today.  Until next time, stay classy.

P.S.

If you are an artist who is seriously interested, let me know!  Drop me a line at mpennisi2@gmail.com and I’ll get back to you.

Pure Blood

It would make sense that I would be attracted to people who I have a lot in common with, wouldn’t it?  That, however, is not the case.  The people who I find to be the most alluring are those whose interests differ drastically from my own.  I’m not exactly sure why I gravitate towards people with unfamiliar interests, but I’m not about to say it’s because “opposite poles attract”.  I mean seriously, I think it’s kind of lame to use popular anecdotes to describe how I think.  Let’s dive a little deeper. 

If I had to take a guess, I would say that it has something to do with the fact that I like to challenge myself.  I thrive on change and enjoy being exposed to new things.  So then it starts to make sense that I would seek out individuals that have new things to offer me.  The unknown facets of a personality are what interest me most; they can offer a bounty of new knowledge so long as you have the curiosity to find out more. 

I’ve come to realize over the years that everyone is far more insightful than I could ever give them credit for.  I’ve been surprised time and time again at how profound the thoughts of others can be, regardless of how strong the mental connection I share with them is.  Because of this, when I meet someone who is very different from myself, it sparks my intrigue to unfathomable heights.

Another way I view the reasoning for my interest in dissimilar people is when I take my offspring into consideration.  Why would I want my progeny to grow up with only one perspective on life?  Essentially, if I have children with someone who is very much like myself, then they would grow up learning about all the ideals that their parents share (or in other words, just one point of view).  On the other hand, if I raise my children with someone who doesn’t share my same point of view, then my children will be exposed to two ways of thinking.  What this means is that they will have to think for themselves when considering how to view the world, as they won’t have just one perspective that they can recognize as true.  In my eyes, that is much more valuable.  While I’m not a parent and probably won’t be for quite some time, I imagine that this is how I would want to raise my kids.  I don’t want to be the type of parent that tells my children what is right and what is wrong.  I would rather give them the tools they need in order to make decisions on their own.

Again, this is all merely just speculation.  I don’t really have any way of knowing for sure why I like people who I don’t have a lot in common with.  At the end of the day, what I’m really looking for is companionship, which draws up a valid question:

Shouldn’t a companion be someone who I have a lot in common with?

It just seems like it would be easier to get along with someone who has a similar perspective on life.  I suppose that when I envision my ideal match, they would be someone who is open to other ways of thinking while retaining their individualistic thought.  I don’t think it’s that farfetched to find someone like that, do you?

So how about you?  Are you more attracted to people who you have a lot in common with?  Or people you don’t?

Stay classy.

Biding My Time

The question is simple:  What would you do if you could freeze time?

Having the ability to control time has always fascinated me.  Everyone is bound by time.  Sure, sometimes time can be good to you or be against you, but ultimately it is indifferent.  I feel like being able to control something which is beyond human influence would provide a limitless sense of freedom.

So what would you do if you could freeze time?  This is the part that fascinates me.  Since I’ve wondered more than once what it would be like to have this uncanny ability, I’ve noticed that the things I would do have changed over the years.  Specifically, the potential actions that I would partake in have evolved along with my maturity.

I’ll give you an example:  As a child, I would often fantasize about going to a toy store and taking all the toys that I wanted without having to pay (or in other words, theft).  Then, in my late teens, when I was in a long distance relationship, I wanted to freeze time so that I could walk across the US to be with my girlfriend.  Today, I don’t think I would do anything; I wouldn’t want to give myself any advantages over anyone else since it wouldn’t seem justified or fair.

If you look at the progression of my desires, they go from being:

Selfish acts -> Debatably selfish acts -> Selflessness

How very interesting.  Over time I have become less and less selfish, and eventually the desire to stop time becomes irrelevant, since it was a desire founded on selfishness.  I enjoy standing on equal footing with everyone else.  Besides, cheating may provide cheap thrills, but it gets old real fast.

So what do you guys think?  Would you freeze time if you could?  What would you do if you could?

Stay classy.

The Final Cut

Doing poorly on a midterm usually does a pretty good job of making one concerned about their future.  I got a particularly difficult midterm back in one of my classes recently, and an interesting point of discussion came up as we were going over the exam. 

I performed pretty well on the exam, but the rest of my classmates were pretty bitter, as they didn’t perform as well as they had hoped.  Because this wasn’t the gripe of one or two individuals, but rather 80% of the classroom, our Professor offered a possible grading solution.  The qualms of the students could be answered by grading according to their “z-score”.  Essentially, grading by your z-score would boost your overall grade in the course significantly if you performed better on the next exam, thus rewarding improvement.  So then what about the students who performed consistently throughout the semester?  The people who did well on the first exam wouldn’t suffer any loss in grade for performing worse or just as good the second time around. 

On the surface, it seems as if there isn’t any reason not to utilize this grading scheme, right?  Here’s the caveat: When grading according to z-score, the people who performed poorly on the first exam have the potential to do better than those who have been more consistent all semester.  Because this doesn’t seem 100% fair, the Professor told the class that if anyone opposed this grading option, he would not implement it. 

If you were in the group of students who did poorly on exam 1, the choice to vote for the z-score was obvious.  I however, was among the more consistent students, and so I had a choice to make.  I sat there pondering the situation, and I decided that I was going to veto the z-scoring option.  My reasoning was that I’ve been a fellow classmate of many of the kids in this class for years now, and I know firsthand that they don’t put forth the effort that I do when it comes to schoolwork.  A lot of these kids are underhanded and malicious, and I saw no reason that they should be able to get a higher grade than myself in this class when I have worked harder than them all semester.  I had my solution, and I was partially content.

I say partially because I still felt a little uneasy, though I couldn’t explain why.  I felt as though there were no clear solution to that situation, and that it wouldn’t be possible for every party involved to emerge happily.  This rationalized my decision, and even though I felt a small pang of concern, I was able to stick to my guns with this thought in mind.  Then, one of the students who also did well on the exam rose his hand and asked the class to please consider the option afforded.  His reasoning was that everyone has that one class that they get off to a bad start in, and there’s no reason why you couldn’t have sympathy for the students who fell to the left side of the bell curve.

That’s when I realized that I had the ability to make sure that everyone could be satisfied.  I went back to my assumption that not everyone could be happy in this scenario and I realized that everyone could be happy.  The only thing holding me back was the thought that someone was going to do better than me even though they weren’t as dedicated from the start.  But what did that matter, really?  In the end, I am still going to get a good grade in the course.  So what if someone else did better than me?  I was essentially deciding that I wouldn’t be happy based on someone else’s performance, which I don’t feel is justified.  If I decided to veto the z-score, I would be adopting the cut-throat mentality that I hate so much.  I don’t want to be like the rest of the business students in my school.  I’m not about stepping on someone else to ensure that I do well.  I want to succeed purely from my personal strength and hard work.  Much like my thoughts in this post, I don’t feel as though I have the right to pass judgment on someone else.  I decide the fate of no one.

It’s comforting to know that I’m able to maintain the same mentality time after time, even when in clouded thought.

Stay classy.

The Phoenix Has Landed

As I mentioned in this post, one of the nicknames that I have adopted recently is Phoenix.  For those of you that don’t know, a Phoenix is a mythical bird whose most notable attribute is to resurrect itself from its own ashes.  Now, as I mentioned in the post I linked to above, I have been struggling to overcome some of my personal demons.  I’m happy to say that I am no longer struggling with my past.  I have come to terms with everything that I have done, and while I never want to go back to being consumed by a nefarious void of pride and negativity, I don’t regret anything that I have done.

I hold no regrets because every part of my recent past has contributed to the reformation of my persona.  I am currently more in touch with myself than I have ever been, and that wouldn’t be possible if I didn’t make some mistakes.  I have effectively started anew, much like how a Phoenix is reborn. 

Like I mentioned above, “Phoenix” is a new nickname for me – how befitting and coincidental that this came about just as I was trying to turn over a new leaf.   Makes you think.

On an additional note, I have been using the same bag to carry my books to class for the past 4 years and I never noticed what was on the back.  Take a look:

Stay classy.

PS – I feel the need to add the profound words of Kanye West, “Being nice is the shit… workin’ on being a doper person.”

Alone in Bed

A few weeks ago a friend of mine told me that you can witness a person’s true personality in the morning. The reasoning is that the mornings for most people are like a dawn of purity. When your mind first becomes aware in those brief initial moments of birth from sleep, you are authentic and unadulterated. No stress of any kind, be it physical or mental, is affecting your body or mind; it becomes as if you are existing above the threshold of consciousness.

I’ve been pondering this thought for quite some time now, and I’ve realized that I don’t know who I am in the morning. In a sense this means that I don’t know who I am at my most pristine.

Let me explain. I usually wake up either when all my roommates have already left the apartment or before they get up. Essentially, every day I wake up alone. Because I’m never interacting with anyone, I never have reason to speak, and so I have no voice. Because I have no voice, I have very little to interpret, and because of this, I don’t know who I am in the morning.  Following me?

Sure, I could analyze how I react to events upon waking up, but there are issues with that. When I wake up on my own accord, my room is quiet and serene, and I am usually calm. If I am immediately presented with some kind of issue that I have to deal with, then the effect is completely lost, as stress will take hold of my conscious and I will begin to operate as I normally do in a state of full awake-ness.

At the same time, I could take a look at my body language and try to extrapolate some kind of evidence from that. The problem there is that I don’t really move around a lot when I first wake up. I either just lay in bed without moving, or I’ll sit upright and maybe look out the window. There’s not a whole lot I can tell from that, other than that I’m usually very calm.

Knowing that I am calm is one thing, but what intrigues me most is what sort of things would I say in those early stages of consciousness. I want to have human to human contact with someone. I want to have a conversation with someone else who is in that same quasi-reality that I would be experiencing. I want to have a completely pure connection… I feel like it would be very liberating to share a moment in time like that with someone. A deep connection on a level that transcends dreams and reality.

What do you guys think about this? Do you think that human interaction signifies identity at all? Or do you think it’s possible to know who you are without that bond?

What about this idea of your morning self representing your real personality? Do you think that holds any truth to it?

Questions, questions, questions. Anyways, until next time, stay classy.

Discombobulation

There I was, sitting down at my desk with Kanye West's "Runaway" before me. The first thing that crossed my mind was "this is 34 minutes long, and there is no chance I'm watching all of it. Sorry Kanye, I don't like you that much". Oddly enough, once I started watching, I couldn't stop; it felt like some kind of bizarre romance.

By the time I finished the movie, all I felt was confusion. I felt like someone flipped my brain upside down. Never have I watched a movie and felt indecisiveness of such magnitude. My friends asked me what I thought of it, and I was (and still am) at a loss. Runaway is indescribable, you're just going to have to see for yourself.

The only thing I can say about Runaway is that Kanye is deserving of my respect. I'm not crazy about his music in general, but he has this nonchalant stride through the industry that says "I'm going to do whatever the hell I want and you can't stop me," and I feel that entitles him to some acknowledgement. His lyrics are blunt/vulgar in a peculiarly intelligent way, and his imagery is controversial and insane, but in the end Kanye is making a statement, which is exactly what he set out to do.

If you haven't watched Runaway, here's the link:

http://www.vevo.com/watch/kanye-west/runaway-full-length-film/USUV71002509

Stay classy

Lies and the 5th Dimension

I just had an epiphany.

We live in the third dimension, represented by height, width, and depth.  The fourth dimension can include duration, or time.  The fourth dimension is essentially the timeline of our life.  So then what is the fifth dimension?

If the fourth dimension is the path we follow in life, then the fifth dimension can be interpreted as all the different paths we can take.  This essentially means that the fifth dimension is choice.

This video might help explain:



When we make choices, we are acting in the fifth dimension, and we are feeling the outcomes of our choices in the third dimension.  By acting in the fifth dimension, we are effectively deciding our futures in the third dimension.  So essentially, by saying that we will do/achieve something in life, it will come to fruition so long as it is projected into the fifth dimension.  Are you following me?  I hope so because here's why my epiphany comes in.

What happens when you add lying to the equation?

With this concept of the fifth dimension, we can turn lies into truth.  This is absolutely possible.  I know because I've done it without realizing it.  A few years ago, I started lying about certain details of my life.  Nothing major or malevolent, really.  I just changed a few innocent facts about myself.  As an example, I used to be a social recluse, but when I came to college, I told everyone that I was outgoing and social.  To play off this illusion, I fabricated stories of my past to make my life seem more interesting, mainly just to be accepted.  I created a "false" image of myself for many years, and lo and behold, I have become that person.

By lying for so long about my past, both to those around me and myself, I have actually forgotten who I was in fact.  If you tell yourself something for a long enough time, it becomes real.  When I first came to college, I knew the image that I wanted people to see me in, and so I created that image purely out of my imagination.  Over time, it all became reality.  I am now the person that I wanted people to see me as.

People can utilize this in a non-malicious way to become who they've always wanted to be.  Example:  I could go around and tell people that I am an entrepreneur.  At first, people might see right through me and know right away that this isn't true.  However, other people will listen to me, and if they have any business ideas, they might come to me to help them get started. Likewise, if I convince enough people that I am a successful entrepreneur, then they are much more likely to invest in our business proposal based on my past triumphs. The thought process from their perspective is that if I succeeded once, then it's fully possible that I will succeed again. At this point, it doesn't even really matter how good the business proposal is; if enough people have faith in my ability and help fund the process through investments, then the business will succeed. The whole situation grows off of itself. At first I wasn't an entrepreneur, I just told people I was, but in the end I am an entrepreneur, because I aided in the development of a new business. The key is to get enough people to believe you. You don't have to convince the whole world, just all the people in your social circle. If everyone among your contacts believes a certain fact about you to be true, then it is essentially true because from that point on, the more people you meet will have to believe that fact about you because all of your friends know it to be true as well.

Sure, there are potential pitfalls to this way of thinking, but the point is that it can work.  The biggest obstacle is to not let it make you evil.

Stay classy.

Dharma, continued

You guys remember that post I made about my self portrait?  Well there's actually more meaning to it that I was unsure of sharing.  The two pieces of information have to do with the Sudarshana Chakra (Vishnu's weapon that expels ignorance), and the tiger skin loin cloth (the representation of lust).

Over the past two or so years, I haven't been the best person, morally.  I don't want to get into it on here, but I dislike how I acted during that time, and how I treated other people.  Over the summer I realized that I had two traits that were fueling all my disagreeable behavior - my ego and my lust.

Since my realization, I have been trying to overcome these two personal vices.  That is why it was imperative that I include them in my self portrait.  The word "Sudarshana" nearly means superior vision, or unclouded vision.  The Chakra exists in the picture as a representation of an ego-less mind, something I am striving for.  The tiger skin exists for the same reason - I need to overcome my carnal hunger for lust in order to better myself as a person.  These are the two traits I need to subdue in order to be in complete control over myself.  My drawing is a direct representation of myself, and how I wish to become unbiased and sophisticated without placing myself above others, or giving into my temptations.

One of my nicnames is "Phoenix".  It's about time I started anew.

What is the biggest flaw in your personality?


Stay classy.

Training Wheels

I am connected to my world at all times.  Through the use of technology (the internet, phones, etc), there is not a single moment that I am not informed of what is going on.  Essentially, with the use of my social networks, I am an instrument of efficiency.

This is neither a good nor a bad thing.  I enjoy the sense of omniscience that I presently have.  That's not to say that I'm spying on people; I just like knowing what is going on in the world.  Information is a powerful resource, and a critical tool in achieving goals.  But what exactly is my goal?

Here's where it gets interesting.

My goal is to be able to "unplug" myself from my social networks and just live, blissfully unaware.  Easy enough, right?  I could do that this very instant.  There's a reason I don't, though, and here's the catch - I'm afraid of being alone.

I thrive off of other people's energy, and I'd like to have some kind of companion when I decide to give myself sweet release.  I am constantly on the search for the person who is willing to share this with me.  Maintaining my social networks are a means to my end.  My social networks are the tool that I need in order to get rid of them, a catch-22.

Think of them as training wheels.

Do you think that in a way, our social networks are what define us?


Stay classy.

Dharma

This past week, my apartment-mate decided to draw an image of himself.  Make no mistake, however, this was no ordinary drawing.  He decided to take certain "liberties" such as giving himself angel wings, and body full of symbolic tattoos.  I liked the idea, but when he suggested I make a drawing of my own, I informed him that I usually can't draw things unless I'm inspired.


Today, true inspiration hit me like a ton of bricks.


I give you my self portrait:

Let me break this masterpiece down.
First of all, I based it off of Vishnu and Shiva of Hindu mythology.  Vishnu is the preserver of the universe, and Shiva is the destroyer and rejuvenator.  (Fun trivia:  In the Bhagavad Gita, Shiva says "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds" which J. Robert Oppenheimer quoted after he completed the Manhattan Project.)


Now, onto the objects:
The loin cloth is made of tiger skin, which in India, represents lust.  By sitting down wearing the tiger skin, it shows that I have conquered my desire for lust. 


The infinity symbol stands for the preservation of the universe.


The hourglass drum represents the heartbeat of the universe, as well as song, dance and laughter.


The Sudarshana Chakra is the supreme weapon of Vishnu, which destroys the egos of others and burns away ignorance and illusions.  The Chakra has 108 serrated edges, which is the number of beads on the Indian rosary.


And the trident is the emblem of sovereignty. The prongs stand for purity, neutral energy, and darkness.


You'll also notice that the instruments of destruction are on the opposite side of the instruments of continuity.


Talk about symbolism.  I am so happy with how it came out.  Normally I can't draw well at all, and this is by far the most creative thing I have ever drawn.  Plus, look how sweet my luscious mane of hair is.


P.S. - I also gave myself ninja feet, for agility.

"You're still a kid"

That's what one of my friends said to me the other day.  When they said it, it startled me a little bit, but I didn't really give it much thought at the time.  Today, however, that statement crossed my mind again, and I just can't grasp the concept that I might still be a "kid".

I'm still spontaneous, still enjoy playing games, and still act goofy - just like I used to back when I was younger.  But there's more to it now.  I'm more mature and independent.  I've been in love and I've been heartbroken.  I've been exposed to the reality of adulthood.  The world has boiled down from black and white to being represented by a million shades of grey.

How can I still be a kid when I am no longer innocent?

Crème de menthe

I need to talk to you guys - it's really important.

Over the past several years I had always told myself that one day I'd like to live in a geographic location other than New York for some period of time.  I always told myself I'd go live in London for a year or two, even living on the west coast was an idea that I had always toyed with.

Now, as I approach the end of the summer, I've been weighing out my career options more and more.  My primary goal thus far has been to maximize my opportunities, which would entail staying in NY.  In my selected career, remaining a New Yorker would essentially offer the highest probability of becoming successful.  New York is the business capital of the world, after all.

Then, two days ago the thought of moving to California crossed my mind again.  This time, however, it wasn't just an idea that I was contemplating - this time it hit me like an epiphany.  For the past two days, all I've been able to think about is jumping ship to the other coast.  I'm obsessed, infatuated with the prospect of throwing myself into a completely new environment.  I was literally on Craigslist ten minutes ago looking at apartments in the LA area before I decided that I needed to express my thoughts on here.

Even though it would make the most logical sense to stay in New York to continue my career, one of the biggest things to take into consideration is that I thrive on change.  When I think about living in CA, everything makes sense; when I try to picture myself there, everything seems to fit perfectly.

With this flash of insight, however, also came a pang of sorrow.  I'm sad because I know this isn't an issue of if I leave NY, it's a matter of when.  As soon as everything became ever clear to me, I also realized that NY has been my home for my entire life.  I have great friends, family, and memories here.  It's hard to imagine living so far away from the place I grew up, and it's a thought that has kept me solemn over the past two days.  Even in two days time, this is becoming something that I am starting to struggle with, because deep down I know how I want the next few years of my life to play out, and that plan doesn't include New York...

The future is and always will be uncertain.  I can't plan and account for everything that comes my way, and for all I know, I may never make it to Cali.  One thing I can be sure of, however, is that I'm going to make the next few years in NY count, big time.

13 Duane St

I just had a random recollection of a very specific memory from my childhood, and I feel compelled to talk about it.  I rather enjoy it when this sort of thing happens, because it always feels out of the ordinary yet strangely important.  I take a certain pleasure out of looking back and seeing how far I've come, both physically and mentally, whenever I have one of these recollections.  However, I must admit, even though this memory is one that I have from my childhood, the person who takes center stage in it isn't myself, but my mom.

The memory takes place during one of the darkest times of my life.  My whole family was in turmoil - my parents were recently divorced, and both began scrambling for new homes to stay in.  Neither one of my parents were very financially stable during this time period, and so they had to resort to moving a lot.  I don't remember exactly how many times my brother and I had to move as our parents searched for new places to live, but I would estimate that during this time period we changed neighborhoods at least 5 times.

Now when I say these were dark times, I really mean it.  It wasn't because we were moving so frequently; it was because we were moving into some really scummy, unsafe neighborhoods.  I was pretty naive back then, and I couldn't really understand why my mom didn't want my brother and I to play outside in these neighborhoods.  Whenever either my brother or myself wanted to have a sleepover with friends, they never came to our house, we always had to go stay at their houses instead.  Whenever I try and remember back to these times, there is no sunshine, no smiles - only a lurid gloom, portrayed through unforgiving clouds and prodigious amounts of rain.

The memory itself takes place in the first of these dreary locations, 13 Duane St.  I remember being very solemn during the whole moving process.  I can't speak for my brother, but I think he probably knew considering how often our parents would fight, that we weren't going to be under happy circumstances for quite some time.  Everything back then just seemed so uncertain to me.  We had moved from a gorgeous home to a miserable excuse for an apartment, and I couldn't see how things could ever be as good as they once were.

During this whole process, my mom tried not to show how dire of a situation we were in.  She wanted my brother and I to be oblivious, because as long as there was hope, there could be happiness.  That first night at 13 Duane St, she rented Men In Black (a movie that we wanted to see, but due to the divorce that summer, were never able to) and bought us some IBC root beer to enjoy as we nestled into a corner of our dark bedroom, no lights or furniture, just the three of us with a blanket.  Strangely enough, we were happy that night.  I remember thinking that maybe things weren't going to be so bad.  That maybe there was in fact, hope for our family.

I'll never know how close we were to losing it all.  All I know is that I can't thank my mom enough for protecting my brother and me.  We were better off as the oblivious kids that we were.  If we had known exactly how bad things were, we may have given up, and if that happened, we probably wouldn't be the same people we are today.

These were white when I bought them

Last Friday I took a trip down to the city to run some errands, and my outfit that day consisted mostly of white colored clothing.  This might not seem like a big deal to you guys, but it made me feel like I was transcendent.  The colors were affecting my mood like you would not believe.  I felt harmonized, unclouded, and pristine.

Now, while I don't own a lot of white clothing, my wardrobe doesn't entirely consist of black fabrics either. I usually tend to stick to earth tones, like brown and green.  Wearing so much white that day was indeed a change for me, however, and it felt great to slip into something that was so foreign and new.  It's funny how white has always been one of my favorite colors, but I own hardly any white colored garments.  I have taken steps to remedy this conundrum, and on a whim, I decided to buy a pair of white boxers over the weekend.

For those of you wondering, wearing them felt like sweet retribution.

Lame question for today:

What colors do you like to wear?


http://iit.bloomu.edu/vthc/design/psychology.htm

Stay classy

Hail from the past

I don't watch nearly as much TV as I used to, but I seem to recall that back in the day a lot of TV shows would have an episode featuring one of the characters going through some form of early or midlife crisis.  These featured characters were usually the butt of ridicule in their earlier years of schooling, and the common theme throughout these shows was that their peers, the ones who picked on them in particular, would end up going nowhere in life.  I remember seeing this a lot, and every time it did happen, the outcome was always the same: The featured character turned out to be much more successful than the rest of their peers (who were primarily seen as their antagonists at earlier ages) and usually received a sense of accomplishment.

For some reason I've been thinking about this more and more lately, and so I decided to utilize the resources of Facebook to see what some of the people I grew up with were up to.  To my surprise, what I discovered actually mirrored what always happened in those TV shows.

Now, even though I was a bit nerdy back when I attended secondary schools, I was never really bullied all that much.  I managed to get along with most of my peers, and because of this, I never really felt any desire for revenge or retribution.  I had always imagined that these people were going to go on to do amazing things. Sure, some of them did, but others dropped out of school and are working menial jobs, some let their appearances completely go, and I'm very sorry to say that some of them have even passed away.

I have not gained any sense of accomplishment from any of this - all I have is this melancholy feeling that I can't seem to shrug.  The truth of the matter is that I wanted my peers to be successful, and it's just sad to me that this doesn't seem to be happening.

So my question is to all of you,

Would you rather the people you grew up with to be more or less successful than you?


Give me reasons why, I'd like to hear them

Thank you

Over the past week or so I haven't really been able to find time to make any new posts when I wanted to.  Part of the reason for that is because I was a captain of a week long event at my school known as "Mutant Mania".  For those of you who are familiar with Mania, you know that being a captain for it will make for one of the most exhausting weeks at Binghamton University.

The other captains and myself have been tirelessly discussing strategies, assembling sports teams, creating three dimensional banners, and writing musicals/comedy skits all week long, and at times it seemed like our arduous work would never pay off.  The combination of schoolwork piling up while attending at least 4-5 hours of events/meetings every day for seven days made for one hell of a stressful week.  In short, there are few things that can prepare you for the madness that is Mutant Mania.

Here's a clip of the comedy skit that my friend and I wrote for Mutant Mania:

Now, the reason that I'm making this post is because I want to extend my thanks to everyone who was involved in Mania this past week.  All week I had been stressing myself out over who I was going to find to participate in the events, and how they were all going to be planned out.  I had almost no free time to myself, I was missing meals and losing sleep every day.  At times it didn't seem like it would be worth it.  Then on one of the final days of Mania, I realized that these were the kinds of days that I would one day look back on and remember fondly.  These would be the days of my college life that I would truly miss.  I only have one year left of school, and even though I tell people that I'm tired of being in college and all I want to do is take the next step in my life, I am going to miss all the fun times I've had and all the interesting people I've met.  I don't mean to be so bittersweet, but I have to admit that I am a little sad that I'm approaching the end of my college days.

And so I wanted to thank all of you, the captains, the participants, the officials, everyone who helped to create one of the best memories of my collegiate career that I'll remember for the rest of my life.  You have truly made me happy this past week.

Stay classy.

Hey! I know you!

The other day I realized how much I enjoy using people's name tags.  I was at the grocery store, paying for my food items when I noticed my cashier's name tag.  I thought to myself, "you know, that name tag is there for a reason, and I'm going to use it."  Upon the completion of my transaction, I said,

"Thanks, Kate"

Kate smiled.  I smiled.  It was a joyous moment.

This encounter reminded me of a similar scenario that happened to me when I was a bank teller.  When I was finished helping a customer, she thanked me and used my name.  At first, I thought that she knew me from somewhere else.  I mean, how else would she otherwise know my name?  Then I remembered that I had a name plate and that's how she knew, duh.  Well, for some strange reason, I got a kick out of the fact that she actually called me by my name.  I guess it's because even though we may have name tags or name plates, the people we interact with rarely ever use them - or at least that's what I've gathered from my experiences.

Name tags are there for a reason, and it doesn't hurt to acknowledge another person's existence every once and a while.  In fact, it feels gratifying to know that we're not just mindlessly bumping into each other every day.  I feel that by using someone's name is just another way of reminding each other that life is real, even among it's veil of monotony.

I'm all about using people's name tags, and I think you should try it sometime if you don't already.

Stay classy

This will be our revolution!

Yea.
I've got business cards.
For the blog.
Check it.
















Stay classy.

Moon of anger

Okay, before I really get into details, let me first exclaim that God of War III is, in most respects, a really good game.  The action is fluid and fun, the puzzles are clever and never annoying, and the overall scope of the game is massive.  All in all, it's one of the most epic games I've ever played (especially the opening sequence).  However, after finishing the game, it left a really bad taste in my mouth.

A quick heads up to anyone who hasn't played God of War III and plans on doing so, there will be spoilers in this post.

God of War III is the first installment of the series that I've actually played.  Going into this game, I was expecting things to get rather gratuitous, but nothing could have prepared me for the sheer amount of testosterone that was pumped into this game.  This game is straight up ruthless, to the point where it was off-putting to me, and not even just because of the violence.

Let me explain.  I am very fond of video games.  They have played a pretty significant role in my overall development as a person, and I prefer to treat them as "experiences" rather than as games.  Because of this, it bothers me when the majority of the populous automatically dismisses or bashes games.  Ignorance runs rampant in our day and age, and the video game industry is surrounded by it.  Most onlookers see video games as violent and disgusting forms of media which are always harmful when exposed to younger audiences.  To a point, I would agree - not all games are meant for all audiences, and some games should be kept away from people of varying maturity levels.  However, not all games are the horrid things that outsiders stubbornly make them out to be.  Games are becoming more and more sophisticated, and this is very pleasing to me.  With every new, intelligent or creative game that is released, we as gamers have another piece of evidence to defend the industry.  This is why it pains me when a game such as God of War III is released.

God of War III, in my opinion, has little to no level of sophistication.  The main draw of this game is it's gratuitous and violent nature.  This would sit fine with me if our society wasn't so puritan and critical of the industry, but the fact of the matter is that this game is going to be used as an example for all the haters.  I thought about it for a long time, and if someone were to start arguing with me about violence in games using God of War III as an example, I wouldn't be able to counter their argument on this particular game.  The thing is, all of the brutality in the game is completely unnecessary.  There is no underlying moral, and the game teaches almost nothing of value.

For the entire game, the main character, Kratos, is hell bent on revenge.  It is his main driving force, and his character never develops beyond that.  One of my friends tried to argue the point that Kratos drops his thirst for vengeance at the end of the game when he kills himself, but that's not actually true.  Kratos does kill himself, yes, but only after he kills Zeus, the source of his vengeance the entire time.  So in the end, Kratos never really abandons his revenge, he only takes his own life after he satisfies it.  That's hardly a moral in my opinion.  To go along with that, I have no way of relating to Kratos in any way.  I just don't really understand the types of people who really enjoy ruthlessly pummeling the face of an adversary in for minutes at a time.  Aside from the initial shock value or possible underlying humor, it's completely unnecessary.

I wanted to like God of War III, I really did, but it's games like these that force the industry take a step backward.  The game has great shock value, and it's incredibly imaginative, but in the end, it's going to be a blemish on the industry overall, as the ignorance of all the stubborn outsiders will have a field day with this game's brutal nature.

I hate using the argument, "It's just a game" to combat people who bash video games, because that's not the point.  However, in this case, it's the only defense I have.

It's just a game

*sigh*

Sometimes, it's about intimidation

A thought has been trapezing through my head recently, and I feel compelled to write about it.  What I've been pondering on is the role that intimidation has played in my collegiate career.  I, like most people, do not enjoy the feeling of being intimidated; however, I feel as though it has played a significant role in developing some of my beneficial attributes.

Back when my transfer into business school was accepted, I had no idea what I was doing.  Since I gained admittance halfway through the academic school year, I was pretty much cast off on my own to figure things out.  There was no orientation program, no email telling me who my advisors were, and most importantly, no congratulatory business padfolio to welcome me into the school (I had to buy one myself, and I feel that I'm entitled to a $20 reimbursement, SUNY Binghamton).

So there I was, a fresh, willing, ambitious business student with no guidance (or at least no idea where to start first).  My email account was getting swarmed with business listserv messages and I hadn't the faintest idea on how to piece it all together.  In retrospect, I realize that all I had to do was sit down and read the emails, but I was intimidated by the seemingly chaotic nature of my new life.  I would pretend that these emails didn't pertain to me, and I'd delete them all.  I used to see people, other students, dressed up in business attire, going to the job fairs/presentations on campus to make some lasting first impressions.  I'd lie to myself and say that it wasn't time for me to worry about getting a job or making myself known.

I was scared.

I was intimidated by all these people, clad in their tie bar and cuff link armor, ready to get their feet in the door and then punch it off it's hinges.  These people were my competition for a job, and I didn't want to compete.  All I wanted to do was curl up into a corner and let Goliath just beat the shit out of David.  I was crippled by shame.

Then something changed.  It was as if a switch flipped inside me and all my fear was abandoned.  It was time to go out and face this challenge that was presented to me.  It wasn't even so much about finally competing for a job; it was about going out and learning for myself what it was that I had to do to succeed.  I started forcing myself to go out to  resume workshops, firm presentations and job fairs.  And you know what?  Before I knew it, I was a confident student who was competent in business literacy and etiquette.

I don't know what changed me exactly, but I think it might be that I realized that my fear was irrational.  So then my question is, would I have ended up where I am if my intimidation was never present?  I'm not so sure that I would.  In this case, my intimidation was a driving force to the development of my courage and overall maturation.  I feel as though my fear helped foster my desire to overcome any challenge that had the cojones to stand in my way.  This is how I like to think about it:  My intimidation was my incubator, and the realization of it's irrational nature was the catalyst that set me free.

Kindof neat, huh?

So now I want you all to do something.  The next time you're intimidated, I want you to admit it to yourself, and then literally ask yourself why you feel that way.  Odd's are that you won't be able to come up with a logical answer to that question.  I find that whenever I do this, I almost immediately gain an overwhelming sense of courage.

Go ahead, try it out.

I dare you.

Hello Goodbye

Before I begin, I just want to say that I'm going to be somewhat serious about what I have to say.  Even though the topic may come off as a bit humorous, that isn't really my primary intention.

About a week ago, my good friend's Ford Escort Wagon kicked the bucket.  I was walking back to my room when I noticed that he had stalled out in the middle of a parking lot, so I went over to go help him out.  Unable to get his car started again, we ended up pushing it into an empty parking spot, and my friend had it brought to a mechanic the next day to have it diagnosed.  Unfortunately, his car was beyond repair; the next steps to be taken involved recovering his possessions from the car, and to scrap the vehicle.

So yesterday, my friend and I headed over to the mechanic to clean out his car, and on the way there, my friend said to me,

Matt, I just want you to know that you might see me cry today.

We both laughed at his joke, but oddly enough, we both knew that there was still some seriousness to it.

When we arrived at our destination, we proceeded to strip his car of all the items that he had accumulated over the years.  I asked my friend why he had so much junk in his car, and he told me that he used to go to the dollar store every week with a friend, and they would buy anything that they thought was really cool or goofy.  This event came to be known as "Dollar Store Wednesdays".  I thought about that for a long time, and the act of dismantling his car started to develop a strange feeling.  Each possession, be it valuable or a piece of junk, had some kind of sentimental value.  When you think about it, everything in his car came attached with a memory, and the dismemberment of his vehicle signified the end of a period in his life.

When we were finished, my friend wanted to have one more moment alone with the Escort.  He got into the driver's seat and just sat there, solemnly, making one last memory.

It was then that I walked over to my car, who I call "Brenda".  I started thinking about the day when she would inevitably break down, and what that would be like for me.  Like my friend, I too have had many good times and memories in that car.  And the truth of the matter is that if I end up living in the city, which I intend on doing, I might never buy another automobile, which would make Brenda the only car I ever own.

I understand that because I tend to personify my car all the time, I may have grown more attached to it than most people, but Brenda has been a part of my life for 6 years, which is pretty significant considering how young I am.  I estimate that she will probably last me a total of 10 years, and by that time I will be 26 years old.  If you look at those numbers, that means that I will have had Brenda for more than a third of my lifetime.  Can you think of anything that has been in your life for that long?  A stuffed animal maybe?  I mean sure, they are inanimate, but when something has been a part of your life for so long, it's hard to imagine not having it around.

I tend to joke that Brenda is "the most reliable woman I've ever met", but there is some truth to that statement.  Her and I have gone through a lot, and I consider her to be my noble companion.  When she's gone, I'm going to miss all of our times of adventure.

Saying goodbye to my friend's car was oddly emotional, and I feel as though it will be very somber and melancholy when Brenda's time comes.  I'm going to miss her, I really am.

 RIP, The Escort

Goldrush

So I decided to do a simple exercise that I just thought up.  I'm just going to list everything I can think of that I'm all about.  You'll catch on quick.

I'm all about:

Staying classy
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle
Great times with close friends
Being opinionated
Smelling nice
Being well groomed
Loyalty
Style
Redheads
Achieving peak physical performance
Guarding lives
Beaches
Defending my friends
City life
Groove Salad
Expanding my social networks
Meeting new people
Being organized
Unreal abdominal strength
Working in business
Landing on the right side of the bell curve
Waking up early
Interior design
Volleyball
Jets football
The Yankees
Staying on top of the latest technology
Quality cinematic experiences
Trying new foods
Going organic
Travelling
Symbolism
Quelling ignorance
Expanding my vocabulary
Using proper grammar
Keeping life interesting
Bringing up philosophical discussions
Studio apartments
Achieving greatness
Being prepared for a zombie apocalypse
Going out to dinner
The scent of a woman
Intellectual conversations
Being cultured
Walking on the balls of my feet
Charm
Paying for things I enjoy
Making good life choices

What are you all about?

Amelioration

I'm on a path where the destination is the legendary version of myself.  I'm not ashamed to admit that I don't fully understand myself, and I don't know who I'm supposed to be.  I think it should also be known that I don't believe in predetermined, set paths.  I also don't believe in destiny.  I do, however, believe that I can acquire a complete understanding of myself over time.  This is, in my opinion, the equivalent of a destiny.

The reason that I disapprove of the idea of a destiny is because it suggests that your future is out of your control.  I mean, if that's the case, why even bother?  In my opinion, if people believe that their destinies are predetermined, they'll stop exerting effort, enthusiasm, and ambition because they will have this notion that their lives will play out exactly according to plan, because it was "destiny".

I find this to be sadly discouraging.

Now on the other hand, if I consider myself to be in full control of my future, I gain ambition, enthusiasm, and drive.  That's all well and great, but then the question, "Where do I go from here?" surfaces.  I have personally decided that my conquest should be to discover who I am at the most absolute level.  I believe that if I have an ultimate understanding of myself, I am capable of achieving pure happiness.

So just how am I presently going about discovering myself?  The key is to be opinionated.  I realized a long time ago that if I ever agree/disagree with someone just to keep conversation running smoothly, or when I do so just to impress someone, that I am essentially lying to myself.  By being opinionated, I speak what I know and feel, which brings me closer to a complete understanding of myself.  And let me tell you - it's working.  Lately I've been noticing that every day I see some kind of progress in myself, be it body or mind.  Every day I learn something new about myself, or leap over some other kind of personal hurdle.  I feel as though this is just the beginning, and soon these little steps forward are going to become more pronounced.  Great things await me.

I am empowered.


So now I want to ask you all,

Do you make rules for yourselves?


For example, it's a rule of mine to never compromise myself.  What rules have you made for yourself?  Why?

It's time to get classy, my friends

A Machine of Judgement

Okay, I just want to let it be known that I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt.  If I don't know every side of an arbitrary situation, I'll reserve my opinion.  I usually try my best not to judge people.

I've been like this for a pretty long time, and now I'm finding it to be irritating when people prematurely judge others.  I just don't see the point in passing judgment on someone you don't know.  I mean, sure, first impressions go a long way, but who is to say that whoever you're judging is having an off day?  As an example, if somebody on the highway is riding my ass and then blows past me the first chance he gets, I don't immediately assume he's an asshole.  What if he was taking his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth?  I don't need that kind of guilt riding on my conscience.  Likewise, on the same principal I don't go after women who are spoken for.  If I don't personally know their boyfriend, I have to automatically assume he's the nicest guy in the world.  If I don't know you, I have no right to judge you.

Because I have this train of thought, it annoys me when people assume things of others with no reasonable basis. Examples would be:  assuming that certain girls are sluts simply by how they're dressed, or when it's assumed that international students are incompetent because they don't have the best English speaking skills.  I just don't see the point.

On a related note, I also will not judge other people based on second hand knowledge.  Just because you tell me that someone is a terrible person doesn't mean that I should accept that as true.  The person you don't like might just have a personal grudge against you, which would most likely cause them to come off as less than friendly to you.  What does that have to do with me?  Nothing.  And that's my point.

Question time,

Are you judgmental?

You can be honest - I won't judge.

A Lesson in Grammar

Lately I've been all about using correct grammar during my every day speech.  Over the years I've noticed that the most frequently broken grammar rule is putting yourself before others in a sentence.  Here's an example:

Me and Scarlett went to the movies last night.

Scarlett and I went to the movies last night.

The first sentence is obviously incorrect.  Now, I never make this mistake in writing as usually, using proper grammar is on my mind as I'm writing.  During every day speech, however, this is not so.  I speak without thinking all the time, and I find that I make this grammatical error all the time.  I have been cognizant of my literal wrongdoings for some time now, but I always assumed that this is something that would continue forever.  Well not anymore it's not.

About a month ago I decided to start correcting myself whenever I made this mistake, and let me tell you, it feels excellent.  I have gotten an outstanding intellectual boost from overcoming this lifelong problem of mine, and I am presently trying to further improve myself on as many minute details as possible.  Having been able to fix this miniscule detail has made me feel far more sophisticated and competent, and I'm not going to let that end here.

I'm on a quest of supreme maturation, and nothing can stop me now.

What is your most frequent grammatical error?

Until next time,

Stay frosty

A Message

Lately I have been noticing that I simply do not have the time to write blog posts in the same detail that I normally do.  I have also noticed that during the week, I'll find a few small things that I would like to write about, but if I were to actually make a post of them, they wouldn't live up to the word count that is typically expected of this blog.  

Because of this, I have decided that from here on out I will reduce the length of my posts.  By doing so, I'll be able to talk about some of the smaller things that I'd like to discuss on a daily basis, and my readers will find my posts more accessible.  I'll probably end up writing some long posts when I have the time/when I have a lot to say, but from now on this blog will be a lot more brief.

I hope you guys approve of this decision, and until next time, stay frosty

P.S.

If you read my blog, please let me know, and don't be afraid to give me input.  Because of the formatting of this page, the comments section doesn't work, and I'm trying to rectify that, but until then I'd like to know who my readers are and what you think about my daily musings.  

Change of Heart?

Lately I have found myself uncharacteristically craving a blonde. This is uncharacteristic because as many of you know, I have a hierarchy of preferences when it comes to my taste in women.

At the top of my list are redheads, followed by brunettes, and then blondes.  I don't really have a concrete reasoning for why I tend to prefer women in this order, it's just the way I've always been.

It's because of this that I find it peculiar that blondes are becoming more appealing to me.  It's not that I ever disliked blondes in the past; I just never paid them much attention as I generally felt no attraction towards them.

So why do you think this is coming about?  Why the sudden change of heart?

Well, I think I might have a solution.  I was having a discussion with a good friend of mine the other day, and I told him how recently, I have becoming a fan of girls with short hair.  His response was, "I think you're just a fan of women."

I've always been a bit particular when it comes to women, so maybe what's happening is that I'm finally broadening my horizons.  I feel like this makes sense, but if this is the reason, the next question is what brought about this change?

I tried looking up the terms "maturity" and "dating" on google, but all the finds I got were about cougars or sexual maturation in teenagers - not precisely what I was looking for.  I suppose it's not uncommon for people's tastes to change over time, and I don't disapprove of this change, I just wish I could figure out what sparked this whole thing.

I guess the broadening of my desires for women could be attributed to a return to more primal levels of thought, but at the same time, I feel more sophisticated.

Interesting, how very interesting.

So here's a simple question for all of you:

What sort of physical attributes do you find attractive in other people?

I want you to be really specific and original.  I want you to think really hard and figure out what you find attractive that isn't generic.  For example, I love it when girls have a nice, fit stomach.  This original because the usual answers are nice breasts or a nice ass.  This question might be superficial, but while personality is indeed important, the way a person carries themselves and maintains their appearance is also important.  First impressions signify a lot in our society, and I feel like it's important to understand what you like.

Until next time,
Stay frosty