The boy who blocked his own shot

Hmm, it seems as if I missed the entire month of July... how sad.

Well, now that I am back on American soil, I think a new blog entry is in order. I have a lot to write about in regards to my experiences abroad, but I can't say for sure if I'll get to write about them all.

The one thing that I'm going to write about today stands out in a strange way. I feel like this experience says a lot about my personal character, but I'll let you decide.

So for those of you who don't know, I spent the last month studying abroad in Rome, Italy. During this time, I had an absolutely horrendous professor. At the end of the semester, we got to evaluate our professors, and during class, I started writing my evaluation. I figured I would write a paragraph and then I'd be done, but once I started writing, I didn't stop until I had filled a page and a half. It was if I only needed an initial spark to set me off on a blaze of punishment.

Actually, I still have the evaluation with me, how about I post it for you all to read? For the sake of confidentiality, I'll refer to my professor as "Professor Anonymous".

It's a bit on the harsh side, fyi:

I did not have an enjoyable experience in either ITL 103 or ITL 111 with Professor Anonymous. He was horribly disorganized, disrespectful, and misleading. he arrived late to class every day by at least fifteen minutes, and then he would hold us late by fifteen minutes as well, keeping us from getting to lunch on time. Furthermore, he seemed like he was making up the lectures on the spot, as we would change subjects randomly, or repeat the same material for days at a time. Prof. Anonymous also did not follow the class syllabus; while this is normally not an issue for me, the way in which we abstained from what was in the syllabus actually detracted from my overall experience in Rome and this study abroad program. According to the syllabus, we were only supposed to have two night classes per week any day from Monday through Thursday. In Prof. Anonymous' class, we regularly had night classes 3-4 times per week, along with unscheduled afternoon classes, and sometimes even on Friday and Saturday. There would be days where I'd have to attend class 4 times in one day, thus eliminating the possibility of going out and seeing the city. When confronted about this, the professor would either ignore the question, change the subject, or walk away from the student. A clear answer was never given. The professor was also routinely late to the night classes by fifteen minutes to a half hour. Sometimes during class, the professor would even leave the room mid-lecture and return ten to fifteen minutes later with a drink of some kind from the bar downstairs.

My worst experience with the professor however, was in regards to our second exam. When the professor was questioned about the date of the exam by some students, he adamantly refused to answer, and then proceeded to argue with the students over it, as if it was some sort of personal attack on him. When we finally got a test date and time, he he arrived to the test an hour late, and then told us to complete it as a take home test. Then, the next day during class, he informed us that what he gave us the night prior was only a review sheet, not an actual test. Never have I been subjected to such deceptive behavior as a student in all my years of schooling. As I am writing this, at the end of the semester, I have still yet to take a second exam.

The professor would ramble almost every day about irrelevant material, and it seemed like everyday he would try to justify his presence on the trip, as if he knew he was messing up badly. He would remind us how many years he had been on this trip, and that obviously there was a reason they would keep asking him to come back year after year.

While taking these classes, I felt as if I was being forced to suffer due to the professor's unorganized demeanor. The whole debacle over the second exam made me feel as though I was horribly taken advantage of, as I arrived to the test promptly and prepared, while the professor showed up at his own leisure (as he did to class every day).

I would not recommend professor Anonymous to anyone, and I would really hope that this evaluation is taken seriously so that the proper action can be taken. As of right now, I honestly feel that the future educations of students seeking to learn the Italian language are in jeopardy as professor Anonymous is one of the worst professors I have ever had.

So as you can probably tell, I was displeased. I would also like to mention that after I took the final exam, he asked for us to write what we thought about the study abroad program. I wrote two sentences:

I felt like the program was an amazing cultural experience. I feel as though the classes could be more organized, however.

Upon leaving the examination room, my professor told me to wait for a minute. He then proceeded to read what I wrote in front of me, and then grill me on it, asking what I meant when I said the classes were disorganized. It was as if he was trying to cover his ass, because he knew that he fucked up. He ended up rambling to me for about 5 minutes about how a lot of things were out of his control. I didn't want to go off on him because my grade was effectively in his hands, and I wouldn't put it past a professor like him to mess with my actual grade simply because of something I said.

Now, my best guess is that if he was worried about what I wrote on the final, then he might have been on the rocks for this program or even for his career. I then thought that my evaluation of him could have some serious impact. The question remained, do I turn it in and put this man's life in jeopardy? Or do I stay out of it and let everything play out without my influence?

I ended up not turning the evaluation in, which is why I have it sitting here in front of me. But why didn't I turn it in? I thought about it for quite a long time, and while I enjoy justice very much so, I decided that if I had turned in my eval, it would have been a malicious act. If I had turned it in, it would have been as if I wanted to see this man lose his job. I decided that I could take solace in knowing that he himself knew that he did a horrendous job. If he ever decides to change his habits for the better, then great, I couldn't ask for anything more. If he ends up not changing anything about his teaching habits, then that's his prerogative and I'm sure somewhere down the road he will get found out and pay the consequences, I just don't want to have anything to do with it.

I just don't feel it is my place to mess with the lives of other people. I thought about it, and say I had gotten this man fired, then what? Sure, I probably would have felt that justice was served, but what about this man's family? Did they do anything wrong to me? Not at all. Inadvertently, I would be harming them as well, people I have never met. That in itself was probably enough to deter me from submitting my eval.

I thought of it like this: I had a lousy time with a professor who was disrespectful, so what? Is that any reason that I should have him and those dependent on him suffer? Not really.

So while my evaluation was truthful about all the things he did, in the grand scheme of things, what he did wrong was not great enough to have me tamper with his life. It just wouldn't be right.

This whole ensemble made me understand myself a bit better. I know now that I am not one for vengeance, and that I'd rather let things play themselves out without me being involved. I will probably never know what becomes of this professor, and I can live with that. In fact I think I'd rather not know. If I keep tabs on this person in hopes that he gets what he deserves, then I think that would be just as malevolent as if I had turned in my evaluation. There's no point.

Question time:

Are you a person who requires justice to be served to those deserving of it?

You may think similarly to how I do on this subject, but how would you feel if someone murdered a member of your family? How would you react? Would you do everything in your power to put that person behind bars, or would you late everything play out without your bias? What then would you do if that person got away?

Interesting...