I don't know if any of you have noticed, but lately I've been asking a bunch of people if they want to have deep conversations with me. I've mostly been using Facebook and AIM as an outlet to get these conversations going, and when I do this, I usually broadcast the following phrase: Let's talk.
I find that if I take the initiative to start a conversation, people are more willing to talk to you about whatever they want. It's as if I'm almost saying to them, "hey, why don't you tell me what you want, no pressure."
Actually I don't know why I'm bringing this up, it's not what I actually wanted to talk about, it's more of a side thought. Hmm...
Okay, well anyways, what I did want to talk about does have to do with my deep conversations. I've found that having conversations on an intimate level helps me open up. It lets me explore myself and gain access to areas of my mind that have always been blocked off with caution tape. After these conversations, I feel refreshed... well, most of the time. A lot of the time I just end up confused, but I still feel better about myself knowing that I tried to learn something new about myself, so it's not all for naught.
Having these deep conversations helps me in the same way that this blog helps me, actually. The blog came first, as my original outlet, but essentially, all it is is me talking to myself. At a certain point I crave dialogue. I mean, I can only put so much out there before I start to wonder if maybe there's something I'm overlooking. I need an extra mind to help me figure things out sometimes. I think that's why I started asking for so many deep conversations recently; I just desire that human to human interaction. Don't get me wrong, this blog is great, and I feel fantastic whenever I splurge my thoughts on here, but I don't know who is actually reading any of this. The other day I found out that this person reads my blog, who I wouldn't have ever assumed would have read it. People don't leave me comments on here (I don't even know how to leave them really), and only a handful of people actually contact me after I write a blog post. One of the reasons why I try to post questions at the end of each of these is because I want people to talk to me and tell me what they think, but that format tends to not be so intimate... Which is where the deep convos come from.
So if you recall, I posted one of my conversations a few posts back. That was probably the most profound out of the bunch that I've had so far. It was pretty spontaneous, and I found that once I started, I just kept going. I only needed an initial spark to just go off and burn a whole canvas of ideas. None of my conversations are planned, and as a result, sometimes they just come out as less profound. It's weird because before I put out my broadcast, I can already tell how profound or prolific the resulting conversation is going to be - it all depends on how deep a mood I'm in. Like right now, on a scale of 1 to 5 on how deep I feel, with 5 being the highest, I'm at about a 3. For the convo that I posted on here, I was at a 5. For all the others, I was at about a 1 or 2. Is it weird that I'm creating a scale for this?
Actually, I had this thought, that whenever I put up my "let's talk" bulletins, I would also disclose how deep I was feeling at that moment, like the aforementioned scale. So I could be like:
"Hey guys, I'm feeling a level 4 deep convo coming on. Let's talk."
That way, people would know what they're getting into before they actually jump in. Another reason why I would do this - To spark interest. Like, as of right now, I've had my usual message up for 3.5 hours, and I've gotten no bites. I feel like people might be getting the impression that I'm starting to do this so much that they just don't care so much; like they're saying to themselves "Oh, there goes Matt again asking for deep convos" *shrug*.
If I rate how deep I'm feeling, then when I rank them higher, people would theoretically be more interested. But then at the same time, everyone is more likely to ignore me when I put a 1 or a 2. Hmm... I don't know what to do really. I want to keep these things going because of how great they make me feel, but I also don't think a lot of people want to dedicate the time to them if they aren't going to be profoundly profound. I guess I should just forget the whole scale idea and just keep doing it the way that I'm doing it, because then I wouldn't be provoking anything, which I guess is how it should be...
Arg, I don't know really, but I'm starting to get a little frustrated with myself. I guess I'm a little frustrated with people as a whole as well... I just wish people were more open about talking. It's so easy... or is it? I've only been doing these deep convos online so far, and although I've had them in person in the past, I think I've forgotten what it's like. I'm actually a bit nervous/afraid of doing that again. I'm afraid of what I might divulge - I can be pretty open about things, and I have no idea what my mind is capable of. That makes me nervous, but I feel like it has to be done.
Anyways, I'm just rambling now, so I think I should close up.
What do you like to do that helps you open up more? Do you even like to open up to others?
P.S. If you read my blog, please don't be afraid to talk to me. I'd like to know who dedicates the time to read these things since they can be pretty long and time consuming. I really do appreciate all of my readers... I just don't know who they are.
Stay frosty.
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