I don't know if any of you have noticed, but lately I've been asking a bunch of people if they want to have deep conversations with me. I've mostly been using Facebook and AIM as an outlet to get these conversations going, and when I do this, I usually broadcast the following phrase: Let's talk.
I find that if I take the initiative to start a conversation, people are more willing to talk to you about whatever they want. It's as if I'm almost saying to them, "hey, why don't you tell me what you want, no pressure."
Actually I don't know why I'm bringing this up, it's not what I actually wanted to talk about, it's more of a side thought. Hmm...
Okay, well anyways, what I did want to talk about does have to do with my deep conversations. I've found that having conversations on an intimate level helps me open up. It lets me explore myself and gain access to areas of my mind that have always been blocked off with caution tape. After these conversations, I feel refreshed... well, most of the time. A lot of the time I just end up confused, but I still feel better about myself knowing that I tried to learn something new about myself, so it's not all for naught.
Having these deep conversations helps me in the same way that this blog helps me, actually. The blog came first, as my original outlet, but essentially, all it is is me talking to myself. At a certain point I crave dialogue. I mean, I can only put so much out there before I start to wonder if maybe there's something I'm overlooking. I need an extra mind to help me figure things out sometimes. I think that's why I started asking for so many deep conversations recently; I just desire that human to human interaction. Don't get me wrong, this blog is great, and I feel fantastic whenever I splurge my thoughts on here, but I don't know who is actually reading any of this. The other day I found out that this person reads my blog, who I wouldn't have ever assumed would have read it. People don't leave me comments on here (I don't even know how to leave them really), and only a handful of people actually contact me after I write a blog post. One of the reasons why I try to post questions at the end of each of these is because I want people to talk to me and tell me what they think, but that format tends to not be so intimate... Which is where the deep convos come from.
So if you recall, I posted one of my conversations a few posts back. That was probably the most profound out of the bunch that I've had so far. It was pretty spontaneous, and I found that once I started, I just kept going. I only needed an initial spark to just go off and burn a whole canvas of ideas. None of my conversations are planned, and as a result, sometimes they just come out as less profound. It's weird because before I put out my broadcast, I can already tell how profound or prolific the resulting conversation is going to be - it all depends on how deep a mood I'm in. Like right now, on a scale of 1 to 5 on how deep I feel, with 5 being the highest, I'm at about a 3. For the convo that I posted on here, I was at a 5. For all the others, I was at about a 1 or 2. Is it weird that I'm creating a scale for this?
Actually, I had this thought, that whenever I put up my "let's talk" bulletins, I would also disclose how deep I was feeling at that moment, like the aforementioned scale. So I could be like:
"Hey guys, I'm feeling a level 4 deep convo coming on. Let's talk."
That way, people would know what they're getting into before they actually jump in. Another reason why I would do this - To spark interest. Like, as of right now, I've had my usual message up for 3.5 hours, and I've gotten no bites. I feel like people might be getting the impression that I'm starting to do this so much that they just don't care so much; like they're saying to themselves "Oh, there goes Matt again asking for deep convos" *shrug*.
If I rate how deep I'm feeling, then when I rank them higher, people would theoretically be more interested. But then at the same time, everyone is more likely to ignore me when I put a 1 or a 2. Hmm... I don't know what to do really. I want to keep these things going because of how great they make me feel, but I also don't think a lot of people want to dedicate the time to them if they aren't going to be profoundly profound. I guess I should just forget the whole scale idea and just keep doing it the way that I'm doing it, because then I wouldn't be provoking anything, which I guess is how it should be...
Arg, I don't know really, but I'm starting to get a little frustrated with myself. I guess I'm a little frustrated with people as a whole as well... I just wish people were more open about talking. It's so easy... or is it? I've only been doing these deep convos online so far, and although I've had them in person in the past, I think I've forgotten what it's like. I'm actually a bit nervous/afraid of doing that again. I'm afraid of what I might divulge - I can be pretty open about things, and I have no idea what my mind is capable of. That makes me nervous, but I feel like it has to be done.
Anyways, I'm just rambling now, so I think I should close up.
What do you like to do that helps you open up more? Do you even like to open up to others?
P.S. If you read my blog, please don't be afraid to talk to me. I'd like to know who dedicates the time to read these things since they can be pretty long and time consuming. I really do appreciate all of my readers... I just don't know who they are.
Stay frosty.
30 August 2009
26 August 2009
I should analyze the industry more often
So, I don't mean to brag but...
http://www.gametrailers.com/video/gc-09-sony/54890
I totally called this.
http://www.gametrailers.com/video/gc-09-sony/54890
I totally called this.
19 August 2009
Wolf in sheep's clothing
Okay, so if you read my last post or my facebook, you'll see a conversation that I had with a friend of mine. In that conversation I mentioned a person named Ian Crossland, who makes videos on youtube. After watching some of his videos, I got into a really deep mood and that's what initially sparked the conversation in the previous post.
If you haven't done so already, I would recommend watching some of Ian's videos on youtube. I don't have any specific videos that stand out, I would merely just suggest going to his channel and finding videos on topics that might be of interest to you.
http://www.youtube.com/user/IanCrossland?feature=chclk#play/uploads/325/0G6C7eF_re4
Now I need to point out that I don't agree with everything that Ian says. In fact, I find that a lot of the things he talks about are disagreeable, or things that I already knew. However, what made his videos impact me so much, was seeing him think. In his videos, you can see how his mind works because he exposes himself when he speaks.
You see, normally when we think, we do it all in our heads. We don't speak outwardly of exactly what is going through our heads or the emotions that we are feeling at that exact moment; but Ian does, and that's what got me thinking. If you look back to my conversation, you might be able to tell at some points that I was trying to express myself in the same way as Ian - and it was helping me onto a plane of thought that I usually don't get to, and not only was it gratifying, it was frightening.
From now on, I'm going to try and do this whenever I'm writing a blog entry.
Now, onto what I actually wanted to talk to you all about. I've been having this one particular thought for some time now, but I've been hesitant to write about it, and that's because this thought terrifies me. I feel like if I manifest this thought, it could change me forever, and I can't say for sure if it'll be for better or worse. I have purposely been avoiding it because of this. At this very moment, I still don't want to dive into what I'm about to, I don't think I'm ready, but from what I've learned from Ian Crossland so far, I'm going to do this anyway.
Okay, many people that know me know that I don't like sheep. I don't like mindless followers. I think that they are the cause of so many of our world's problems. Think about it. Think of powerful leaders throughout history and how they've been able to rally people to their cause. Think of Hitler. I believe that the cause for the holocaust wasn't necessarily because of Hitler himself, but because of the people who followed him. His followers were sheep - mindless drones who would march to the beat of anyone more intelligent than themselves. There's no doubt about it that Hitler was an immensely intelligent man, but what if every one of the people who followed him were just as intelligent as he was? Would they have just dismissed what he said as gibberish? They probably would not be so inclined to ever follow him, let alone give him a voice in the first place.
It's because of this that I don't like sheep. They are destructive beyond my own comprehension, and I vehemently refuse to become one of them. I always try to be a leader to avoid being a sheep. I always try to choose the path that will keep me away from puppet strings.
But here's the problem: I think that I am possibly a hypocrite. I think I could be one of them, and it terrifies me. Sure, I am a leader on some level, but there are more intelligent people than me out there, and I am prone to follow them. I'll give Obama as an example: there's no doubt he's a very intelligent man, and I have put my trust in him to guide this country; the problem however, is that I don't know much about politics at all, so I don't have my own opinion to begin with. I am essentially trusting a man on subject matters that I don't know anything about. In my opinion, that is the same thing as signing a contract that you did not read. Why do I trust this man? Because he knows more about a particular subject than I do, and that effectively makes me a sheep.
Another example: when I was in Italy during the month of July, for certain occasions we had to attend, I didn't know what to wear, so I asked my roommates what they were going to wear, and then I would dress up accordingly, so that nobody was over or underdressed. The problem is that I let my roommates make the decisions for me. I effectively discarded my choice, and chose to follow. If I had told them first what I was planning on wearing and then asked them what they thought, that would have been different, but I didn't. I never gave my own input, I merely followed.
This absolutely terrifies me. In school I enjoy working in groups to get the job done, but a lot of the time I don't feel inclined to offer my help to particular tasks. I think in my head "I should volunteer to help with this particular part of the assignment" but I don't. I wait. I wait for someone else to volunteer. I still do my assigned work, but to a degree, I coast off the other members of the group.
Now I know I'm opinionated, and I won't believe everything I'm told, but how far does that go? At what point do I start to follow others? When do I decide that I would be better off letting someone else make a decision for me?
Saying all of this isn't making me feel better at all. I'm getting it out in the open, but I don't have an answer. I don't have a follow up thought. I could say that instead of following, I just work better when there are others to help me with the duties at hand, which wouldn't necessarily make me a sheep - but I feel like that's an excuse. A lie.
The problem for me here isn't how I can admit to something and then change myself. The problem is that I feel like I've been a hypocrite for so long, and it disgusts me to know myself to be something like that. I've always held a high opinion of myself, but part of me feels like that was all a facade, a cover to protect myself from what I really am. I know some people will tell me that there's no point in dwelling on this, and that I should just move on and change myself if I really feel like I've been fucked up for so long, but I don't agree. There is a point to dwelling on things. Why should I just forget about my unattractive past? That would just be another facade for my future self - a part of my past that I can't admit to - a shield that I created to protect myself. Why should I have to protect myself from myself? By dwelling on this undesirable past, maybe I can come to terms with it. I can accept it as part of the learning process. I can admit that it was something I didn't like about myself... but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of others who would judge me because of my past.
Just because you could be a reformed child molester doesn't mean that someone won't stare at you with fearful eyes.
I am afraid I may have permanently scarred myself because of my past tendencies. I am afraid that people won't accept me. I have come to terms with something else about me, and that's being shallow, and even though I don't like it about myself, and I've come to terms with it, people still look/think of me differently because of it. That depresses me. It makes me nervous whenever it comes up in a conversation. I don't know if I will be accepted or not. It's all because people are judgmental. I try not to judge as much as possible, I know it's wrong, but I know there will always be people who judge. I can't even just not care what judgmental people think - I still want people to like me, and so being judged becomes necessary.
I know that most people probably would not judge me on this whole "being a sheep" matter, but that doesn't matter since I'm judging myself. In this case, I don't even like myself, and that's what I was afraid to admit. I don't know how I should figure this out. Should I realize that people shouldn't judge, and that includes me judging myself? Or should I convince myself that I am a better person? There's a fine line there and I don't know which side to step on.
My head is fried, and to a degree I feel broken now. I need to have another deep conversation. I need to make more friends and see what strangers think of me.
What about yourself are you terrified of?
If you haven't done so already, I would recommend watching some of Ian's videos on youtube. I don't have any specific videos that stand out, I would merely just suggest going to his channel and finding videos on topics that might be of interest to you.
http://www.youtube.com/user/IanCrossland?feature=chclk#play/uploads/325/0G6C7eF_re4
Now I need to point out that I don't agree with everything that Ian says. In fact, I find that a lot of the things he talks about are disagreeable, or things that I already knew. However, what made his videos impact me so much, was seeing him think. In his videos, you can see how his mind works because he exposes himself when he speaks.
You see, normally when we think, we do it all in our heads. We don't speak outwardly of exactly what is going through our heads or the emotions that we are feeling at that exact moment; but Ian does, and that's what got me thinking. If you look back to my conversation, you might be able to tell at some points that I was trying to express myself in the same way as Ian - and it was helping me onto a plane of thought that I usually don't get to, and not only was it gratifying, it was frightening.
From now on, I'm going to try and do this whenever I'm writing a blog entry.
Now, onto what I actually wanted to talk to you all about. I've been having this one particular thought for some time now, but I've been hesitant to write about it, and that's because this thought terrifies me. I feel like if I manifest this thought, it could change me forever, and I can't say for sure if it'll be for better or worse. I have purposely been avoiding it because of this. At this very moment, I still don't want to dive into what I'm about to, I don't think I'm ready, but from what I've learned from Ian Crossland so far, I'm going to do this anyway.
Okay, many people that know me know that I don't like sheep. I don't like mindless followers. I think that they are the cause of so many of our world's problems. Think about it. Think of powerful leaders throughout history and how they've been able to rally people to their cause. Think of Hitler. I believe that the cause for the holocaust wasn't necessarily because of Hitler himself, but because of the people who followed him. His followers were sheep - mindless drones who would march to the beat of anyone more intelligent than themselves. There's no doubt about it that Hitler was an immensely intelligent man, but what if every one of the people who followed him were just as intelligent as he was? Would they have just dismissed what he said as gibberish? They probably would not be so inclined to ever follow him, let alone give him a voice in the first place.
It's because of this that I don't like sheep. They are destructive beyond my own comprehension, and I vehemently refuse to become one of them. I always try to be a leader to avoid being a sheep. I always try to choose the path that will keep me away from puppet strings.
But here's the problem: I think that I am possibly a hypocrite. I think I could be one of them, and it terrifies me. Sure, I am a leader on some level, but there are more intelligent people than me out there, and I am prone to follow them. I'll give Obama as an example: there's no doubt he's a very intelligent man, and I have put my trust in him to guide this country; the problem however, is that I don't know much about politics at all, so I don't have my own opinion to begin with. I am essentially trusting a man on subject matters that I don't know anything about. In my opinion, that is the same thing as signing a contract that you did not read. Why do I trust this man? Because he knows more about a particular subject than I do, and that effectively makes me a sheep.
Another example: when I was in Italy during the month of July, for certain occasions we had to attend, I didn't know what to wear, so I asked my roommates what they were going to wear, and then I would dress up accordingly, so that nobody was over or underdressed. The problem is that I let my roommates make the decisions for me. I effectively discarded my choice, and chose to follow. If I had told them first what I was planning on wearing and then asked them what they thought, that would have been different, but I didn't. I never gave my own input, I merely followed.
This absolutely terrifies me. In school I enjoy working in groups to get the job done, but a lot of the time I don't feel inclined to offer my help to particular tasks. I think in my head "I should volunteer to help with this particular part of the assignment" but I don't. I wait. I wait for someone else to volunteer. I still do my assigned work, but to a degree, I coast off the other members of the group.
Now I know I'm opinionated, and I won't believe everything I'm told, but how far does that go? At what point do I start to follow others? When do I decide that I would be better off letting someone else make a decision for me?
Saying all of this isn't making me feel better at all. I'm getting it out in the open, but I don't have an answer. I don't have a follow up thought. I could say that instead of following, I just work better when there are others to help me with the duties at hand, which wouldn't necessarily make me a sheep - but I feel like that's an excuse. A lie.
The problem for me here isn't how I can admit to something and then change myself. The problem is that I feel like I've been a hypocrite for so long, and it disgusts me to know myself to be something like that. I've always held a high opinion of myself, but part of me feels like that was all a facade, a cover to protect myself from what I really am. I know some people will tell me that there's no point in dwelling on this, and that I should just move on and change myself if I really feel like I've been fucked up for so long, but I don't agree. There is a point to dwelling on things. Why should I just forget about my unattractive past? That would just be another facade for my future self - a part of my past that I can't admit to - a shield that I created to protect myself. Why should I have to protect myself from myself? By dwelling on this undesirable past, maybe I can come to terms with it. I can accept it as part of the learning process. I can admit that it was something I didn't like about myself... but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of others who would judge me because of my past.
Just because you could be a reformed child molester doesn't mean that someone won't stare at you with fearful eyes.
I am afraid I may have permanently scarred myself because of my past tendencies. I am afraid that people won't accept me. I have come to terms with something else about me, and that's being shallow, and even though I don't like it about myself, and I've come to terms with it, people still look/think of me differently because of it. That depresses me. It makes me nervous whenever it comes up in a conversation. I don't know if I will be accepted or not. It's all because people are judgmental. I try not to judge as much as possible, I know it's wrong, but I know there will always be people who judge. I can't even just not care what judgmental people think - I still want people to like me, and so being judged becomes necessary.
I know that most people probably would not judge me on this whole "being a sheep" matter, but that doesn't matter since I'm judging myself. In this case, I don't even like myself, and that's what I was afraid to admit. I don't know how I should figure this out. Should I realize that people shouldn't judge, and that includes me judging myself? Or should I convince myself that I am a better person? There's a fine line there and I don't know which side to step on.
My head is fried, and to a degree I feel broken now. I need to have another deep conversation. I need to make more friends and see what strangers think of me.
What about yourself are you terrified of?
Worries
Anonymous (11:33:44 PM): matthew
Matty P (11:33:50 PM): heya
Anonymous (11:33:57 PM): whats up
Anonymous (11:34:00 PM): read your facebook status
Matty P (11:34:52 PM): have something to say?
Anonymous (11:35:06 PM): and i was just ranting to someone how i never have deep convos with anyone and it makes me feel incredibly lonely
Matty P (11:35:27 PM): well why would the lack of such a conversation make you feel lonely?
Matty P (11:35:28 PM): see, to me
Matty P (11:35:38 PM): it just feels like I'm becomming out of tune with myself
Matty P (11:35:45 PM): like I'm missing something
Anonymous (11:35:52 PM): like i guess i kind of feel that
Matty P (11:36:06 PM): but what is missing isnt the attention of someone else
Matty P (11:36:10 PM): its just something inside me
Anonymous (11:36:10 PM): its like i miss having an intense moment with someone while engaging in said conversation
Matty P (11:36:21 PM): something that hasn't been manifested in a while and needs air to breathe
Matty P (11:36:32 PM): yea, i get what you mean totally right now
Anonymous (11:36:40 PM): yeah
Matty P (11:38:12 PM): like, i've been watching these video logs that this guy named Ian Crossland has been posting on youtube
Matty P (11:38:24 PM): and he's this guy who just questions everythinga
Matty P (11:38:36 PM): and he's infatuated with humanity as a whole
Matty P (11:38:58 PM): and he just points out these little things that even though you think about them
Matty P (11:39:03 PM): you just never admit to them
Matty P (11:39:07 PM): and I just asked myself
Anonymous (11:39:09 PM): that sounds really interesting
Matty P (11:39:36 PM): and he's got the guts to say it
Matty P (11:39:46 PM): and i feel like most people would call him just a stoner
Matty P (11:39:52 PM): and even though he does smoke weed
Matty P (11:40:01 PM): he's aware he doesnt need it
Matty P (11:40:06 PM): he's just like
Matty P (11:40:12 PM): cognizant of all this shit around him
Matty P (11:40:26 PM): and his thought process is just
Matty P (11:40:30 PM): great
Matty P (11:40:31 PM): and idk
Matty P (11:40:42 PM): after watching his vids, I just started thinking
Matty P (11:40:49 PM): and I feel like im on the verge of something big
Matty P (11:40:55 PM): like a huge self discovery
Matty P (11:41:08 PM): it's like I'm aware that my own evolution is about to take place
Matty P (11:41:16 PM): but i realized that it won't unless i act on it
Matty P (11:41:31 PM): and that's where the desire to have a deep convo manifests from
Matty P (11:41:33 PM): shit
Matty P (11:41:50 PM): i am into this right now
Anonymous (11:41:51 PM): that explanation in itself is extemley deep lol
Matty P (11:42:05 PM): its just
Matty P (11:42:06 PM): wow
Matty P (11:42:10 PM): i can feel it
Anonymous (11:42:18 PM): that must be such a profound feeling
Matty P (11:43:11 PM): but the thing is
Matty P (11:43:19 PM): i dont know what kind of evolution this is going to be
Anonymous (11:43:25 PM): positive
Matty P (11:43:47 PM): i cant tell for sure if it'll be positive or negative
Matty P (11:43:53 PM): but i still desire the change so much
Matty P (11:44:03 PM): like the change itself is a necessity to grow
Matty P (11:44:09 PM): even if overall i take a negative turn
Anonymous (11:44:59 PM): like for all we know life is just a series of really intesne changes in us.
Matty P (11:45:57 PM): like love, that emotion could be drawn up just from the simple fact that something in our lives changed
Matty P (11:46:06 PM): not because of feelings directed towards an individual
Matty P (11:46:22 PM): but because we enjoyed a change in our lifestyle so much, that we fell in love
Matty P (11:46:31 PM): same goes for anger
Anonymous (11:46:35 PM): and heartbreak
Matty P (11:47:15 PM): if you break up, its not the fact that that person meant something to you, you could feel horrible just because your life changed for the worse
Anonymous (11:47:48 PM): well if thats the case that would certainly make me feel better seeing as how i just went through a huge breakup/betrayal
Anonymous (11:48:28 PM): i all of a sudden started feeling this instense love for him
Anonymous (11:48:58 PM): why do we expereince such ups and downs and hardship and questioning
Anonymous (11:49:52 PM): i know
Matty P (11:50:46 PM): but if change were so important for our daily lives
Anonymous (11:50:47 PM): thats something i think ive been asking subconsiously for so long
Anonymous (11:50:57 PM): okay
Anonymous (11:51:08 PM): right
Matty P (11:52:11 PM): but then why do some people feel guilty when they cheat?
Matty P (11:52:57 PM): that could be it
Anonymous (11:53:05 PM): which they know will disrupt their emotions
Matty P (11:54:08 PM): the actual people of the story become irrelevant, the change becomes embodied, and is the individual
Anonymous (11:54:16 PM): wow
Anonymous (11:55:28 PM): me either
Matty P (11:55:36 PM): not afraid, but nervous
Matty P (11:56:02 PM): like I'm nervous to learn what other people would think of this
Matty P (11:56:15 PM): if they noticed something about the human condition that I vastly overlooked
Matty P (11:56:37 PM): maybe I am afraid of that?
Anonymous (11:56:46 PM): cuz its a change in your thought process?
Matty P (11:56:57 PM): what if it's not change at all
Matty P (11:57:12 PM): what if there's an argument that exists that completely dismisses mine?
Matty P (11:57:32 PM): in that case I haven't stepped forward without stepping backwards as well
Matty P (11:57:38 PM): does that make everything meaningless?
Anonymous (11:57:43 PM): well no i dont think so
Matty P (11:58:51 PM): what if those didn't exist
Anonymous (11:58:54 PM): like you just havve to believe in the good of the universe that your not failing and life isnt meaningless
Anonymous (11:59:03 PM): okay
Matty P (12:00:05 AM): Maybe I am afraid of this evolution
Matty P (12:00:13 AM): but why have my feelings changed already
Matty P (12:00:21 AM): before i was optimistic, now im nervous about it
Matty P (12:00:27 AM): i dont know how this will end anymore
Matty P (12:00:34 AM): actually, i never did know
Anonymous (12:00:37 AM): how what will exactly
Matty P (12:01:03 AM): me as an individual
Matty P (12:01:05 AM): the way I think
Anonymous (12:01:09 AM): ok got you
Matty P (12:03:32 AM): it wouldnt be the repercussions themselves
Matty P (12:03:35 AM): just the changes
Matty P (12:03:40 AM): but then i also just thought
Matty P (12:04:19 AM): whether or not the changes are good or bad are also relative to the individual
Anonymous (12:04:26 AM): explain
Matty P (12:04:47 AM): we look forward to getting into relationships because its a change for the better right?
Anonymous (12:05:29 AM): rightg
Matty P (12:05:44 AM): We do.
Matty P (12:05:58 AM): so that makes it relative
Matty P (12:06:33 AM): but then how do we come up with the notions of good and bad in the first place? It has to come from societal norms and biological predispositions
Anonymous (12:06:44 AM): or government and religon
Anonymous (12:06:58 AM): yes
Anonymous (12:07:25 AM): i feel society plays an extremly influential role in this
Matty P (12:07:43 AM): well
Matty P (12:07:52 AM): I feel like humans are naturally inclined to do good
Anonymous (12:07:56 AM): me too
Matty P (12:08:24 AM): but I feel like the evidence for that argument outweighs the evidence against it
Matty P (12:08:31 AM): so then yea, societal norms
Matty P (12:08:49 AM): where did society get their views from?
Matty P (12:08:55 AM): it had to stem from somewhere
Matty P (12:09:12 AM): maybe it stemmed from the nature aspect
Matty P (12:09:15 AM): i mean
Matty P (12:09:29 AM): why was the gov initially created?
Matty P (12:09:37 AM): to benefit society
Matty P (12:09:44 AM): why was religion created?
Matty P (12:09:52 AM): to comfort society
Matty P (12:10:06 AM): everything was created out of the need to do good to others
Matty P (12:10:19 AM): and i suppose over time it just warped
Matty P (12:10:28 AM): and that's why we have corrupt governments today
Matty P (12:10:34 AM): and fanatical religions
Matty P (12:10:46 AM): but then that makes for an extremely dangerous situation
Matty P (12:11:01 AM): because even though these institutions were founded with benevolent intentions
Matty P (12:11:20 AM): over time the institutions themselves became organic and slowly changed
Matty P (12:11:24 AM): and in some cases for the worst
Matty P (12:11:28 AM): worse*
Matty P (12:11:29 AM): but
Matty P (12:11:47 AM): we still base our notions of good and bad off of what these institutions decide
Matty P (12:11:52 AM): because they are the social norm
Matty P (12:12:05 AM): fuck
Matty P (12:12:09 AM): its like we're all sheep
Matty P (12:12:22 AM): almost helpless to help ourselves
Matty P (12:12:27 AM): and nobody realizes it
Anonymous (12:12:46 AM): i learned in chemistry that "nature is lazy and disorganized". nature tends to be chaotic
Anonymous (12:13:34 AM): maybe its man vs nature
Matty P (12:14:44 AM): I have a thought
Matty P (12:14:50 AM): but I cant seem to give it birth
Anonymous (12:14:57 AM): just give it a sec
Anonymous (12:15:06 AM): to admit your thought
Matty P (12:15:09 AM): yea
Anonymous (12:15:22 AM): saying isnt necessarily admitting
Matty P (12:15:36 AM): I dont know how yet
Matty P (12:15:42 AM): I just know it's there
Anonymous (12:16:09 AM): i kinda see what your saying
Anonymous (12:16:27 AM): alright
Anonymous (12:16:38 AM): on what
Matty P (12:16:48 AM): people need to see this
I had a conversation with a friend tonight, and I thought I should share it with all of you. I'd really appreciate it if you took the time to read the whole thing and share your thoughts with me.Matty P (11:33:50 PM): heya
Anonymous (11:33:57 PM): whats up
Anonymous (11:34:00 PM): read your facebook status
Matty P (11:34:52 PM): have something to say?
Anonymous (11:35:06 PM): and i was just ranting to someone how i never have deep convos with anyone and it makes me feel incredibly lonely
Matty P (11:35:27 PM): well why would the lack of such a conversation make you feel lonely?
Matty P (11:35:28 PM): see, to me
Matty P (11:35:38 PM): it just feels like I'm becomming out of tune with myself
Matty P (11:35:45 PM): like I'm missing something
Anonymous (11:35:52 PM): like i guess i kind of feel that
Matty P (11:36:06 PM): but what is missing isnt the attention of someone else
Matty P (11:36:10 PM): its just something inside me
Anonymous (11:36:10 PM): its like i miss having an intense moment with someone while engaging in said conversation
Matty P (11:36:21 PM): something that hasn't been manifested in a while and needs air to breathe
Matty P (11:36:32 PM): yea, i get what you mean totally right now
Anonymous (11:36:40 PM): yeah
Matty P (11:38:12 PM): like, i've been watching these video logs that this guy named Ian Crossland has been posting on youtube
Matty P (11:38:24 PM): and he's this guy who just questions everythinga
Matty P (11:38:36 PM): and he's infatuated with humanity as a whole
Matty P (11:38:58 PM): and he just points out these little things that even though you think about them
Matty P (11:39:03 PM): you just never admit to them
Matty P (11:39:07 PM): and I just asked myself
Anonymous (11:39:09 PM): that sounds really interesting
Matty P (11:39:36 PM): and he's got the guts to say it
Matty P (11:39:46 PM): and i feel like most people would call him just a stoner
Matty P (11:39:52 PM): and even though he does smoke weed
Matty P (11:40:01 PM): he's aware he doesnt need it
Matty P (11:40:06 PM): he's just like
Matty P (11:40:12 PM): cognizant of all this shit around him
Matty P (11:40:26 PM): and his thought process is just
Matty P (11:40:30 PM): great
Matty P (11:40:31 PM): and idk
Matty P (11:40:42 PM): after watching his vids, I just started thinking
Matty P (11:40:49 PM): and I feel like im on the verge of something big
Matty P (11:40:55 PM): like a huge self discovery
Matty P (11:41:08 PM): it's like I'm aware that my own evolution is about to take place
Matty P (11:41:16 PM): but i realized that it won't unless i act on it
Matty P (11:41:31 PM): and that's where the desire to have a deep convo manifests from
Matty P (11:41:33 PM): shit
Matty P (11:41:50 PM): i am into this right now
Anonymous (11:41:51 PM): that explanation in itself is extemley deep lol
Matty P (11:42:05 PM): its just
Matty P (11:42:06 PM): wow
Matty P (11:42:10 PM): i can feel it
Anonymous (11:42:18 PM): that must be such a profound feeling
Matty P (11:43:11 PM): but the thing is
Matty P (11:43:19 PM): i dont know what kind of evolution this is going to be
Anonymous (11:43:25 PM): positive
Matty P (11:43:47 PM): i cant tell for sure if it'll be positive or negative
Matty P (11:43:53 PM): but i still desire the change so much
Matty P (11:44:03 PM): like the change itself is a necessity to grow
Matty P (11:44:09 PM): even if overall i take a negative turn
Anonymous (11:44:59 PM): like for all we know life is just a series of really intesne changes in us.
Matty P (11:45:57 PM): like love, that emotion could be drawn up just from the simple fact that something in our lives changed
Matty P (11:46:06 PM): not because of feelings directed towards an individual
Matty P (11:46:22 PM): but because we enjoyed a change in our lifestyle so much, that we fell in love
Matty P (11:46:31 PM): same goes for anger
Anonymous (11:46:35 PM): and heartbreak
Matty P (11:47:15 PM): if you break up, its not the fact that that person meant something to you, you could feel horrible just because your life changed for the worse
Anonymous (11:47:48 PM): well if thats the case that would certainly make me feel better seeing as how i just went through a huge breakup/betrayal
Anonymous (11:48:28 PM): i all of a sudden started feeling this instense love for him
Anonymous (11:48:58 PM): why do we expereince such ups and downs and hardship and questioning
Anonymous (11:49:52 PM): i know
Matty P (11:50:46 PM): but if change were so important for our daily lives
Anonymous (11:50:47 PM): thats something i think ive been asking subconsiously for so long
Anonymous (11:50:57 PM): okay
Anonymous (11:51:08 PM): right
Matty P (11:52:11 PM): but then why do some people feel guilty when they cheat?
Matty P (11:52:57 PM): that could be it
Anonymous (11:53:05 PM): which they know will disrupt their emotions
Matty P (11:54:08 PM): the actual people of the story become irrelevant, the change becomes embodied, and is the individual
Anonymous (11:54:16 PM): wow
Anonymous (11:55:28 PM): me either
Matty P (11:55:36 PM): not afraid, but nervous
Matty P (11:56:02 PM): like I'm nervous to learn what other people would think of this
Matty P (11:56:15 PM): if they noticed something about the human condition that I vastly overlooked
Matty P (11:56:37 PM): maybe I am afraid of that?
Anonymous (11:56:46 PM): cuz its a change in your thought process?
Matty P (11:56:57 PM): what if it's not change at all
Matty P (11:57:12 PM): what if there's an argument that exists that completely dismisses mine?
Matty P (11:57:32 PM): in that case I haven't stepped forward without stepping backwards as well
Matty P (11:57:38 PM): does that make everything meaningless?
Anonymous (11:57:43 PM): well no i dont think so
Matty P (11:58:51 PM): what if those didn't exist
Anonymous (11:58:54 PM): like you just havve to believe in the good of the universe that your not failing and life isnt meaningless
Anonymous (11:59:03 PM): okay
Matty P (12:00:05 AM): Maybe I am afraid of this evolution
Matty P (12:00:13 AM): but why have my feelings changed already
Matty P (12:00:21 AM): before i was optimistic, now im nervous about it
Matty P (12:00:27 AM): i dont know how this will end anymore
Matty P (12:00:34 AM): actually, i never did know
Anonymous (12:00:37 AM): how what will exactly
Matty P (12:01:03 AM): me as an individual
Matty P (12:01:05 AM): the way I think
Anonymous (12:01:09 AM): ok got you
Matty P (12:03:32 AM): it wouldnt be the repercussions themselves
Matty P (12:03:35 AM): just the changes
Matty P (12:03:40 AM): but then i also just thought
Matty P (12:04:19 AM): whether or not the changes are good or bad are also relative to the individual
Anonymous (12:04:26 AM): explain
Matty P (12:04:47 AM): we look forward to getting into relationships because its a change for the better right?
Anonymous (12:05:29 AM): rightg
Matty P (12:05:44 AM): We do.
Matty P (12:05:58 AM): so that makes it relative
Matty P (12:06:33 AM): but then how do we come up with the notions of good and bad in the first place? It has to come from societal norms and biological predispositions
Anonymous (12:06:44 AM): or government and religon
Anonymous (12:06:58 AM): yes
Anonymous (12:07:25 AM): i feel society plays an extremly influential role in this
Matty P (12:07:43 AM): well
Matty P (12:07:52 AM): I feel like humans are naturally inclined to do good
Anonymous (12:07:56 AM): me too
Matty P (12:08:24 AM): but I feel like the evidence for that argument outweighs the evidence against it
Matty P (12:08:31 AM): so then yea, societal norms
Matty P (12:08:49 AM): where did society get their views from?
Matty P (12:08:55 AM): it had to stem from somewhere
Matty P (12:09:12 AM): maybe it stemmed from the nature aspect
Matty P (12:09:15 AM): i mean
Matty P (12:09:29 AM): why was the gov initially created?
Matty P (12:09:37 AM): to benefit society
Matty P (12:09:44 AM): why was religion created?
Matty P (12:09:52 AM): to comfort society
Matty P (12:10:06 AM): everything was created out of the need to do good to others
Matty P (12:10:19 AM): and i suppose over time it just warped
Matty P (12:10:28 AM): and that's why we have corrupt governments today
Matty P (12:10:34 AM): and fanatical religions
Matty P (12:10:46 AM): but then that makes for an extremely dangerous situation
Matty P (12:11:01 AM): because even though these institutions were founded with benevolent intentions
Matty P (12:11:20 AM): over time the institutions themselves became organic and slowly changed
Matty P (12:11:24 AM): and in some cases for the worst
Matty P (12:11:28 AM): worse*
Matty P (12:11:29 AM): but
Matty P (12:11:47 AM): we still base our notions of good and bad off of what these institutions decide
Matty P (12:11:52 AM): because they are the social norm
Matty P (12:12:05 AM): fuck
Matty P (12:12:09 AM): its like we're all sheep
Matty P (12:12:22 AM): almost helpless to help ourselves
Matty P (12:12:27 AM): and nobody realizes it
Anonymous (12:12:46 AM): i learned in chemistry that "nature is lazy and disorganized". nature tends to be chaotic
Anonymous (12:13:34 AM): maybe its man vs nature
Matty P (12:14:44 AM): I have a thought
Matty P (12:14:50 AM): but I cant seem to give it birth
Anonymous (12:14:57 AM): just give it a sec
Anonymous (12:15:06 AM): to admit your thought
Matty P (12:15:09 AM): yea
Anonymous (12:15:22 AM): saying isnt necessarily admitting
Matty P (12:15:36 AM): I dont know how yet
Matty P (12:15:42 AM): I just know it's there
Anonymous (12:16:09 AM): i kinda see what your saying
Anonymous (12:16:27 AM): alright
Anonymous (12:16:38 AM): on what
Matty P (12:16:48 AM): people need to see this
I feel like I'm on the verge of something big, something within myself, and I needed to get this out in the open. Expect a regular blog post soon.
Anonymous (11:33:44 PM): matthew
Matty P (11:33:50 PM): heya
Anonymous (11:33:57 PM): whats up
Anonymous (11:34:00 PM): read your facebook status
Matty P (11:34:52 PM): have something to say?
Anonymous (11:35:06 PM): and i was just ranting to someone how i never have deep convos with anyone and it makes me feel incredibly lonely
Matty P (11:35:27 PM): well why would the lack of such a conversation make you feel lonely?
Matty P (11:35:28 PM): see, to me
Matty P (11:35:38 PM): it just feels like I'm becomming out of tune with myself
Matty P (11:35:45 PM): like I'm missing something
Anonymous (11:35:52 PM): like i guess i kind of feel that
Matty P (11:36:06 PM): but what is missing isnt the attention of someone else
Matty P (11:36:10 PM): its just something inside me
Anonymous (11:36:10 PM): its like i miss having an intense moment with someone while engaging in said conversation
Matty P (11:36:21 PM): something that hasn't been manifested in a while and needs air to breathe
Matty P (11:36:32 PM): yea, i get what you mean totally right now
Anonymous (11:36:40 PM): yeah
Matty P (11:38:12 PM): like, i've been watching these video logs that this guy named Ian Crossland has been posting on youtube
Matty P (11:38:24 PM): and he's this guy who just questions everythinga
Matty P (11:38:36 PM): and he's infatuated with humanity as a whole
Matty P (11:38:58 PM): and he just points out these little things that even though you think about them
Matty P (11:39:03 PM): you just never admit to them
Matty P (11:39:07 PM): and I just asked myself
Anonymous (11:39:09 PM): that sounds really interesting
Matty P (11:39:36 PM): and he's got the guts to say it
Matty P (11:39:46 PM): and i feel like most people would call him just a stoner
Matty P (11:39:52 PM): and even though he does smoke weed
Matty P (11:40:01 PM): he's aware he doesnt need it
Matty P (11:40:06 PM): he's just like
Matty P (11:40:12 PM): cognizant of all this shit around him
Matty P (11:40:26 PM): and his thought process is just
Matty P (11:40:30 PM): great
Matty P (11:40:31 PM): and idk
Matty P (11:40:42 PM): after watching his vids, I just started thinking
Matty P (11:40:49 PM): and I feel like im on the verge of something big
Matty P (11:40:55 PM): like a huge self discovery
Matty P (11:41:08 PM): it's like I'm aware that my own evolution is about to take place
Matty P (11:41:16 PM): but i realized that it won't unless i act on it
Matty P (11:41:31 PM): and that's where the desire to have a deep convo manifests from
Matty P (11:41:33 PM): shit
Matty P (11:41:50 PM): i am into this right now
Anonymous (11:41:51 PM): that explanation in itself is extemley deep lol
Matty P (11:42:05 PM): its just
Matty P (11:42:06 PM): wow
Matty P (11:42:10 PM): i can feel it
Anonymous (11:42:18 PM): that must be such a profound feeling
Matty P (11:43:11 PM): but the thing is
Matty P (11:43:19 PM): i dont know what kind of evolution this is going to be
Anonymous (11:43:25 PM): positive
Matty P (11:43:47 PM): i cant tell for sure if it'll be positive or negative
Matty P (11:43:53 PM): but i still desire the change so much
Matty P (11:44:03 PM): like the change itself is a necessity to grow
Matty P (11:44:09 PM): even if overall i take a negative turn
Anonymous (11:44:59 PM): like for all we know life is just a series of really intesne changes in us.
Matty P (11:45:57 PM): like love, that emotion could be drawn up just from the simple fact that something in our lives changed
Matty P (11:46:06 PM): not because of feelings directed towards an individual
Matty P (11:46:22 PM): but because we enjoyed a change in our lifestyle so much, that we fell in love
Matty P (11:46:31 PM): same goes for anger
Anonymous (11:46:35 PM): and heartbreak
Matty P (11:47:15 PM): if you break up, its not the fact that that person meant something to you, you could feel horrible just because your life changed for the worse
Anonymous (11:47:48 PM): well if thats the case that would certainly make me feel better seeing as how i just went through a huge breakup/betrayal
Anonymous (11:48:28 PM): i all of a sudden started feeling this instense love for him
Anonymous (11:48:58 PM): why do we expereince such ups and downs and hardship and questioning
Anonymous (11:49:52 PM): i know
Matty P (11:50:46 PM): but if change were so important for our daily lives
Anonymous (11:50:47 PM): thats something i think ive been asking subconsiously for so long
Anonymous (11:50:57 PM): okay
Anonymous (11:51:08 PM): right
Matty P (11:52:11 PM): but then why do some people feel guilty when they cheat?
Matty P (11:52:57 PM): that could be it
Anonymous (11:53:05 PM): which they know will disrupt their emotions
Matty P (11:54:08 PM): the actual people of the story become irrelevant, the change becomes embodied, and is the individual
Anonymous (11:54:16 PM): wow
Anonymous (11:55:28 PM): me either
Matty P (11:55:36 PM): not afraid, but nervous
Matty P (11:56:02 PM): like I'm nervous to learn what other people would think of this
Matty P (11:56:15 PM): if they noticed something about the human condition that I vastly overlooked
Matty P (11:56:37 PM): maybe I am afraid of that?
Anonymous (11:56:46 PM): cuz its a change in your thought process?
Matty P (11:56:57 PM): what if it's not change at all
Matty P (11:57:12 PM): what if there's an argument that exists that completely dismisses mine?
Matty P (11:57:32 PM): in that case I haven't stepped forward without stepping backwards as well
Matty P (11:57:38 PM): does that make everything meaningless?
Anonymous (11:57:43 PM): well no i dont think so
Matty P (11:58:51 PM): what if those didn't exist
Anonymous (11:58:54 PM): like you just havve to believe in the good of the universe that your not failing and life isnt meaningless
Anonymous (11:59:03 PM): okay
Matty P (12:00:05 AM): Maybe I am afraid of this evolution
Matty P (12:00:13 AM): but why have my feelings changed already
Matty P (12:00:21 AM): before i was optimistic, now im nervous about it
Matty P (12:00:27 AM): i dont know how this will end anymore
Matty P (12:00:34 AM): actually, i never did know
Anonymous (12:00:37 AM): how what will exactly
Matty P (12:01:03 AM): me as an individual
Matty P (12:01:05 AM): the way I think
Anonymous (12:01:09 AM): ok got you
Matty P (12:03:32 AM): it wouldnt be the repercussions themselves
Matty P (12:03:35 AM): just the changes
Matty P (12:03:40 AM): but then i also just thought
Matty P (12:04:19 AM): whether or not the changes are good or bad are also relative to the individual
Anonymous (12:04:26 AM): explain
Matty P (12:04:47 AM): we look forward to getting into relationships because its a change for the better right?
Anonymous (12:05:29 AM): rightg
Matty P (12:05:44 AM): We do.
Matty P (12:05:58 AM): so that makes it relative
Matty P (12:06:33 AM): but then how do we come up with the notions of good and bad in the first place? It has to come from societal norms and biological predispositions
Anonymous (12:06:44 AM): or government and religon
Anonymous (12:06:58 AM): yes
Anonymous (12:07:25 AM): i feel society plays an extremly influential role in this
Matty P (12:07:43 AM): well
Matty P (12:07:52 AM): I feel like humans are naturally inclined to do good
Anonymous (12:07:56 AM): me too
Matty P (12:08:24 AM): but I feel like the evidence for that argument outweighs the evidence against it
Matty P (12:08:31 AM): so then yea, societal norms
Matty P (12:08:49 AM): where did society get their views from?
Matty P (12:08:55 AM): it had to stem from somewhere
Matty P (12:09:12 AM): maybe it stemmed from the nature aspect
Matty P (12:09:15 AM): i mean
Matty P (12:09:29 AM): why was the gov initially created?
Matty P (12:09:37 AM): to benefit society
Matty P (12:09:44 AM): why was religion created?
Matty P (12:09:52 AM): to comfort society
Matty P (12:10:06 AM): everything was created out of the need to do good to others
Matty P (12:10:19 AM): and i suppose over time it just warped
Matty P (12:10:28 AM): and that's why we have corrupt governments today
Matty P (12:10:34 AM): and fanatical religions
Matty P (12:10:46 AM): but then that makes for an extremely dangerous situation
Matty P (12:11:01 AM): because even though these institutions were founded with benevolent intentions
Matty P (12:11:20 AM): over time the institutions themselves became organic and slowly changed
Matty P (12:11:24 AM): and in some cases for the worst
Matty P (12:11:28 AM): worse*
Matty P (12:11:29 AM): but
Matty P (12:11:47 AM): we still base our notions of good and bad off of what these institutions decide
Matty P (12:11:52 AM): because they are the social norm
Matty P (12:12:05 AM): fuck
Matty P (12:12:09 AM): its like we're all sheep
Matty P (12:12:22 AM): almost helpless to help ourselves
Matty P (12:12:27 AM): and nobody realizes it
Anonymous (12:12:46 AM): i learned in chemistry that "nature is lazy and disorganized". nature tends to be chaotic
Anonymous (12:13:34 AM): maybe its man vs nature
Matty P (12:14:44 AM): I have a thought
Matty P (12:14:50 AM): but I cant seem to give it birth
Anonymous (12:14:57 AM): just give it a sec
Anonymous (12:15:06 AM): to admit your thought
Matty P (12:15:09 AM): yea
Anonymous (12:15:22 AM): saying isnt necessarily admitting
Matty P (12:15:36 AM): I dont know how yet
Matty P (12:15:42 AM): I just know it's there
Anonymous (12:16:09 AM): i kinda see what your saying
Anonymous (12:16:27 AM): alright
Anonymous (12:16:38 AM): on what
Matty P (12:16:48 AM): people need to see this
Matty P (11:33:50 PM): heya
Anonymous (11:33:57 PM): whats up
Anonymous (11:34:00 PM): read your facebook status
Matty P (11:34:52 PM): have something to say?
Anonymous (11:35:06 PM): and i was just ranting to someone how i never have deep convos with anyone and it makes me feel incredibly lonely
Matty P (11:35:27 PM): well why would the lack of such a conversation make you feel lonely?
Matty P (11:35:28 PM): see, to me
Matty P (11:35:38 PM): it just feels like I'm becomming out of tune with myself
Matty P (11:35:45 PM): like I'm missing something
Anonymous (11:35:52 PM): like i guess i kind of feel that
Matty P (11:36:06 PM): but what is missing isnt the attention of someone else
Matty P (11:36:10 PM): its just something inside me
Anonymous (11:36:10 PM): its like i miss having an intense moment with someone while engaging in said conversation
Matty P (11:36:21 PM): something that hasn't been manifested in a while and needs air to breathe
Matty P (11:36:32 PM): yea, i get what you mean totally right now
Anonymous (11:36:40 PM): yeah
Matty P (11:38:12 PM): like, i've been watching these video logs that this guy named Ian Crossland has been posting on youtube
Matty P (11:38:24 PM): and he's this guy who just questions everythinga
Matty P (11:38:36 PM): and he's infatuated with humanity as a whole
Matty P (11:38:58 PM): and he just points out these little things that even though you think about them
Matty P (11:39:03 PM): you just never admit to them
Matty P (11:39:07 PM): and I just asked myself
Anonymous (11:39:09 PM): that sounds really interesting
Matty P (11:39:36 PM): and he's got the guts to say it
Matty P (11:39:46 PM): and i feel like most people would call him just a stoner
Matty P (11:39:52 PM): and even though he does smoke weed
Matty P (11:40:01 PM): he's aware he doesnt need it
Matty P (11:40:06 PM): he's just like
Matty P (11:40:12 PM): cognizant of all this shit around him
Matty P (11:40:26 PM): and his thought process is just
Matty P (11:40:30 PM): great
Matty P (11:40:31 PM): and idk
Matty P (11:40:42 PM): after watching his vids, I just started thinking
Matty P (11:40:49 PM): and I feel like im on the verge of something big
Matty P (11:40:55 PM): like a huge self discovery
Matty P (11:41:08 PM): it's like I'm aware that my own evolution is about to take place
Matty P (11:41:16 PM): but i realized that it won't unless i act on it
Matty P (11:41:31 PM): and that's where the desire to have a deep convo manifests from
Matty P (11:41:33 PM): shit
Matty P (11:41:50 PM): i am into this right now
Anonymous (11:41:51 PM): that explanation in itself is extemley deep lol
Matty P (11:42:05 PM): its just
Matty P (11:42:06 PM): wow
Matty P (11:42:10 PM): i can feel it
Anonymous (11:42:18 PM): that must be such a profound feeling
Matty P (11:43:11 PM): but the thing is
Matty P (11:43:19 PM): i dont know what kind of evolution this is going to be
Anonymous (11:43:25 PM): positive
Matty P (11:43:47 PM): i cant tell for sure if it'll be positive or negative
Matty P (11:43:53 PM): but i still desire the change so much
Matty P (11:44:03 PM): like the change itself is a necessity to grow
Matty P (11:44:09 PM): even if overall i take a negative turn
Anonymous (11:44:59 PM): like for all we know life is just a series of really intesne changes in us.
Matty P (11:45:57 PM): like love, that emotion could be drawn up just from the simple fact that something in our lives changed
Matty P (11:46:06 PM): not because of feelings directed towards an individual
Matty P (11:46:22 PM): but because we enjoyed a change in our lifestyle so much, that we fell in love
Matty P (11:46:31 PM): same goes for anger
Anonymous (11:46:35 PM): and heartbreak
Matty P (11:47:15 PM): if you break up, its not the fact that that person meant something to you, you could feel horrible just because your life changed for the worse
Anonymous (11:47:48 PM): well if thats the case that would certainly make me feel better seeing as how i just went through a huge breakup/betrayal
Anonymous (11:48:28 PM): i all of a sudden started feeling this instense love for him
Anonymous (11:48:58 PM): why do we expereince such ups and downs and hardship and questioning
Anonymous (11:49:52 PM): i know
Matty P (11:50:46 PM): but if change were so important for our daily lives
Anonymous (11:50:47 PM): thats something i think ive been asking subconsiously for so long
Anonymous (11:50:57 PM): okay
Anonymous (11:51:08 PM): right
Matty P (11:52:11 PM): but then why do some people feel guilty when they cheat?
Matty P (11:52:57 PM): that could be it
Anonymous (11:53:05 PM): which they know will disrupt their emotions
Matty P (11:54:08 PM): the actual people of the story become irrelevant, the change becomes embodied, and is the individual
Anonymous (11:54:16 PM): wow
Anonymous (11:55:28 PM): me either
Matty P (11:55:36 PM): not afraid, but nervous
Matty P (11:56:02 PM): like I'm nervous to learn what other people would think of this
Matty P (11:56:15 PM): if they noticed something about the human condition that I vastly overlooked
Matty P (11:56:37 PM): maybe I am afraid of that?
Anonymous (11:56:46 PM): cuz its a change in your thought process?
Matty P (11:56:57 PM): what if it's not change at all
Matty P (11:57:12 PM): what if there's an argument that exists that completely dismisses mine?
Matty P (11:57:32 PM): in that case I haven't stepped forward without stepping backwards as well
Matty P (11:57:38 PM): does that make everything meaningless?
Anonymous (11:57:43 PM): well no i dont think so
Matty P (11:58:51 PM): what if those didn't exist
Anonymous (11:58:54 PM): like you just havve to believe in the good of the universe that your not failing and life isnt meaningless
Anonymous (11:59:03 PM): okay
Matty P (12:00:05 AM): Maybe I am afraid of this evolution
Matty P (12:00:13 AM): but why have my feelings changed already
Matty P (12:00:21 AM): before i was optimistic, now im nervous about it
Matty P (12:00:27 AM): i dont know how this will end anymore
Matty P (12:00:34 AM): actually, i never did know
Anonymous (12:00:37 AM): how what will exactly
Matty P (12:01:03 AM): me as an individual
Matty P (12:01:05 AM): the way I think
Anonymous (12:01:09 AM): ok got you
Matty P (12:03:32 AM): it wouldnt be the repercussions themselves
Matty P (12:03:35 AM): just the changes
Matty P (12:03:40 AM): but then i also just thought
Matty P (12:04:19 AM): whether or not the changes are good or bad are also relative to the individual
Anonymous (12:04:26 AM): explain
Matty P (12:04:47 AM): we look forward to getting into relationships because its a change for the better right?
Anonymous (12:05:29 AM): rightg
Matty P (12:05:44 AM): We do.
Matty P (12:05:58 AM): so that makes it relative
Matty P (12:06:33 AM): but then how do we come up with the notions of good and bad in the first place? It has to come from societal norms and biological predispositions
Anonymous (12:06:44 AM): or government and religon
Anonymous (12:06:58 AM): yes
Anonymous (12:07:25 AM): i feel society plays an extremly influential role in this
Matty P (12:07:43 AM): well
Matty P (12:07:52 AM): I feel like humans are naturally inclined to do good
Anonymous (12:07:56 AM): me too
Matty P (12:08:24 AM): but I feel like the evidence for that argument outweighs the evidence against it
Matty P (12:08:31 AM): so then yea, societal norms
Matty P (12:08:49 AM): where did society get their views from?
Matty P (12:08:55 AM): it had to stem from somewhere
Matty P (12:09:12 AM): maybe it stemmed from the nature aspect
Matty P (12:09:15 AM): i mean
Matty P (12:09:29 AM): why was the gov initially created?
Matty P (12:09:37 AM): to benefit society
Matty P (12:09:44 AM): why was religion created?
Matty P (12:09:52 AM): to comfort society
Matty P (12:10:06 AM): everything was created out of the need to do good to others
Matty P (12:10:19 AM): and i suppose over time it just warped
Matty P (12:10:28 AM): and that's why we have corrupt governments today
Matty P (12:10:34 AM): and fanatical religions
Matty P (12:10:46 AM): but then that makes for an extremely dangerous situation
Matty P (12:11:01 AM): because even though these institutions were founded with benevolent intentions
Matty P (12:11:20 AM): over time the institutions themselves became organic and slowly changed
Matty P (12:11:24 AM): and in some cases for the worst
Matty P (12:11:28 AM): worse*
Matty P (12:11:29 AM): but
Matty P (12:11:47 AM): we still base our notions of good and bad off of what these institutions decide
Matty P (12:11:52 AM): because they are the social norm
Matty P (12:12:05 AM): fuck
Matty P (12:12:09 AM): its like we're all sheep
Matty P (12:12:22 AM): almost helpless to help ourselves
Matty P (12:12:27 AM): and nobody realizes it
Anonymous (12:12:46 AM): i learned in chemistry that "nature is lazy and disorganized". nature tends to be chaotic
Anonymous (12:13:34 AM): maybe its man vs nature
Matty P (12:14:44 AM): I have a thought
Matty P (12:14:50 AM): but I cant seem to give it birth
Anonymous (12:14:57 AM): just give it a sec
Anonymous (12:15:06 AM): to admit your thought
Matty P (12:15:09 AM): yea
Anonymous (12:15:22 AM): saying isnt necessarily admitting
Matty P (12:15:36 AM): I dont know how yet
Matty P (12:15:42 AM): I just know it's there
Anonymous (12:16:09 AM): i kinda see what your saying
Anonymous (12:16:27 AM): alright
Anonymous (12:16:38 AM): on what
Matty P (12:16:48 AM): people need to see this
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