Stiletto

So first of all, it's been a while since I've made a new post, and I want to apologize for those of you who actually take the time to read them. After my last two posts, which came out as sort of forced, I decided that I wouldn't make any new entries unless I legitimately had something I wanted to write about.

That being said, I have a new post for today, nice, chilled and fresh.

Okay, so here's what happened:

Today, two of my friends and I went to the new Sonic's that opened up in town. For those of you that don't know, Sonic's is a drive in restaurant, where servers bring your food to you on roller skates. Personally, their type of food doesn't interest me as it's a pretty standard burger joint, but that's beside the point.

So back to the story, we ordered our food and about fifteen minutes later, as expected, a girl on roller skates came up to our car to give us our food. While she was serving us, I started up some casual conversation with her for no particular reason. I just felt like chatting is all. The girl seemed to be enjoying our company, and from our perspectives, was genuinely trying to make our experience that day at Sonic's enjoyable. She asked if we needed anything else (salt, pepper, ketchup), and we said no thanks - we were all set.

Pretty standard, right? I bet you're wondering why I'm even telling you this story.

So we ate our food, had some minor mishaps with the order, and time passed; about 20 minutes or so. We were just about finished when our original server skated back up to our car with a whole slew of condiments and asked us if we needed anything else. I was the first to speak up and once again said that we were fine, and she smiled at me and skated away.

So yea, we finished up whatever food we had left an- wait a second, didn't we resolve the condiment issue earlier? You're probably asking why that even matters. Well, it just dawned on me that she could have come back with some sort of flirtatious agenda. What if the reason she came back was because she was hoping for some more chit chat, or to simply shift the interactional field from server to servee, to person to person. Purely human interaction, an interaction leading to some sort of prospective relationship.

Hey, it's not impossible.

Now don't get me wrong here; I'm not saying this girl was actually flirting with any of us, I'm not so sure that she was. My point is what if she was? If she was, I completely did not pick up on any of that. This is strange to me because usually when this sort of thing happens, I recognize that it's most likely not at attempt at a pickup, but I still play out the possibility in my head. This time around, I was completely dense in regards to the entire situation. None of this crossed my mind until after the fact, which I think is a little odd for me.

Some of you will think I'm reading to much into this, and I say you could be right, but I feel like there's something deeper to this whole thing. Another event happened inbetween our two encounters with our server girlie that also got me thinking after the fact.

Sonic messed up one of my friend's orders, so we called in to get it fixed. After our complaint, a different girl (not our original server) came up with the correct order to give to us. She had on red contacts - something I have never seen before. I was startled a bit, and even though I thought they were pretty cool, I just stared.

Quite frankly, I'm ashamed of myself. I've come to a mature enough standing in my life where I feel like I can speak my mind freely without making the situation awkward. By staring at that girl's eyes, I made the situation awkward. I'm sure she gets that kind of reaction all the time, but I just felt disappointed in myself in how I was unable to just come out and say that I thought her contacts were really cool (to be honest I found it a little attractive). This bothers me because I probably gave off the opposite impression. To her, I probably came off as someone who thought she was different in a bad way - the type of person which she is unfortunately all too familiar with. I doubt you'll ever find this, but if that girl is out there reading this, you're contacts were pretty rad.

So let me try and tie these two scenarios together with some kind of meaning, because this post is lacking direction.

These events made me ask myself, what if I'm becoming out of touch? In one of my first posts, I wrote about how I was uninterested in pursuing any kind of woman as of late, and I haven't been. But what if I've lost my edge from being off the game? Uh oh. I don't think I like that one bit. I'm no player, but I never find any situation involving interaction with a lady-type to be daunting. I'm usually calm, cool, and collected; I mean, what's the big deal, right? But today made me realize that these situations weren't about me being rusty, it was about me being out of touch completely.

So what gives? Do I just not care anymore? In my previous post, I talked about how recently every relationship with a girl that I've had has ended in me being pretty dissatisfied. Am I just getting to the point where I'm nonchalant when it comes to women? Isn't that strange?

Here, think of it this way: You're an avid sports fan, and one day you decide you just don't care about your favorite team anymore. You don't resent your old team, you just don't care.

That seems pretty odd if you ask me. Usually when people have a reason to dislike something, they continue to dislike whatever that thing may be. In this case however, I have no feelings of resentment, I've just possibly become oblivious. I don't like that very much. I enjoy being in control of my surroundings, and I'm usually pretty keen on other people's intentions and whatnot. As I said before, I'm just simply out of touch.

Actually, when I think about it, this makes sense to me considering how my life has been playing out over the past few months. School got so hectic the last few weeks that I had little time for myself, let alone anyone else. I was so caught up in school work that I was left no choice but to give up on some things temporarily (working out, games, social activities). Looking back to the sports example, if you became so consumed with work or some other activities, would it not be possible to forget about your favorite team for a little while?

Hmm... so what if the cause of all my disappointment in the realm of relationships is just due to me not having any time? That makes a lot of sense to me. Add this into that pot: as school progressed, I had less and less time to devote to other people, and thus I was unable to concern myself with anyone else at the time. That could explain why I haven't been on the lookout for women as of late.

So far this summer, I've had a lot of time to devote to myself again. I think that now since I've given myself enough "me time" I'm slowly starting to concern myself with the people around me again - which might explain why this whole conundrum dawned on me today. It's like that hierarchy of physiological needs whose name escapes me at the moment. It's all about priorities - I need to satisfy my personal needs before I can move onto satisfying my social needs.

Hmm, I think I may be on the way to my good ol' self again.

So, now that I'm done, let's get you thinking:

Can you ever really forget how to interact with people?

Do we ever become ants? Mindless drones who just move around without actually taking the time to get to know one another? What does that say about human nature?

Stay frosty.